Page 191 of Modern Romance May 2026 Books 1-4
“I don’t intentionally make it difficult to travel,” he says. “I just try to keep the airspace on the island clear.”
“Which means that your citizens first have to take a boat somewhere else if they want to fly. We’ve never had that kind of money. And I’ve been…saving. You already know that.”
“Yes,” he says. “I do. But I confess that I assumed you had been to some of these universities that you were dreaming about going to.”
“No,” I say. “I just looked at them online.”
He appears discomfited by this, and I can’t figure out why. I can’t figure out why he cares, since part of our relationship is him limiting my access to things. But he also likes giving me things. Maybe he feels the push and pull the same way that I do.
He is bringing me on this trip. And I might feel pleased about that once the plane actually lands.
I’m right. When the plane descends in Paris, and I see the overhead view of this city that I’ve seen depicted so many times on TV, in movies and books, I forget everything. If the plane were to go down right now, I might not even be that sad.
We are ushered from the aircraft and into a luxury car, and my face is glued to the window as we drive through the city streets. As I take in the glory of the architecture.
“You are so strange,” he says.
I rip my gaze away from the view and stare at him. “I’m strange?”
“Yes. You, who claim to have no dreams. Who claim you have no interest in fiction. This little scientist. You’re the most sensual woman I’ve ever known. You love beautiful things. You love to be touched.” We have a driver, and no partition up between us, and I shift uncomfortably as he describes me—accurately—with an audience.
“You love food, even though you decline to tell me your favorite. You yearn for adventure, but are afraid of air travel.”
“I just hadn’t done it before,” I say, sniffing.
“You are not practical, Queen Lilith. You are greedy. Insatiable. You don’t just want one thing, you want it all. I am uncertain why you can’t admit it.”
“Because I can’t have it all,” I say. “I already told you. Watching my mother and sister made me afraid to dream. And anyway, I’m not wrong. I’m the queen now. I still can’t have everything.”
He considers this. “No. None of us can.”
“I never wanted to live with that unbearable ache.”
“To live, I suspect, is to have an unbearable ache. The world is vast, and there are so many experiences. None of us can have all of them.” He’s now looking out the window. “I suspect there is some beauty in that. Knowing that the world contains so much glory, and we cannot experience all of it. It is compensation for all the sadness the world contains.”
“It’s another sadness,” I say. “If you want too much.”
“I suppose that’s one way of viewing it,” he says.
I wonder if the reason he sees it this way is because of how much more time he’s lived. It makes me feel like there’s a cavern standing between us. I don’t know why I care about that at all.
The car pulls up to a luxury estate with wrought iron gates, glorious and vast. “This is the chancellor’s lodgings. We will be starting here, and stay for a couple of days. We can do some sightseeing, and then we will move on to England.”
“Oh,” I say. Because I can’t help myself. I’ve always wanted to go there. I want to see Oxford. I’ve always wanted that. It’s where I wanted to go. Me and so many other people. But it makes me feel like if I could do it I would be…
That I would matter.
Maybe walking through the halls would be enough.
“What?”
“I’ve always wanted to go there. I mean, not just to visit, it’s where I wanted to go. I… I had a tentative acceptance. Because of the focus of my research.”
“And what is that?”
“Cancer cells,” I say. “The way that they grow.”
“I see. Why medical research?”
