Page 78 of In Every Lifetime
Sarah
Iwas a firm believer that sleep made nearly everything better. Life was significantly harder when tired—emotions feeling more intense, the challenges feeling harder to overcome. But for the first time… sleep wasn’t making my life seem a little easier.
I lay in Nate’s guest bed, staring at the ceiling as the fan spun in slow, steady circles. I could feel the residual heat from Fai’s body. I barely remembered coming here, and I didn’t remember getting into the bed, but I could tell Fai had been with me. He was gone by the time I woke up, but there was no mistaking the scent he left on the sheets.
Gabriel had used his cologne.
My mind was struggling to make sense of what had happened. Gabriel was pretending to be Fai; that was the best-case scenario. Perhaps Gabriel was still mentally sound and purposefully acting that way to freak me out.
But there were certain behaviors I had seen before—behaviors I had only ever seen in my patients. I wondered if Gabriel’s mind had truly morphed, believing he was Fai. In that version,he was my ex-husband and my behavior last night was what was strange, not his.
Maybe, in his mind, he just saw his ex-wife fighting against him, hiding away, and calling the police on him.
It made me fearful of what Gabriel was thinking and how he was processing the events. It also made him more dangerous. If he truly believed down to his core that he was Fai, he would stop at nothing to get back to me—to find me—the very same way Fai did when he came and saved me last night.
Fai’s voice calling my name as I hid behind my clothes in the closet was a sound I would remember for the rest of my life. The desperation and the worry lacing his tone were etched in my brain. The rest of the night, after he had found me, was a blur. I knew everything that had happened. I could lay out the timeline clearly, but it didn’t feel like my own memories. Even in the moment, it felt as if I was an outsider looking in.
While sleep didn’t make life seem a bit easier, I did at least feel like I was back in my body. I took the sheets in my hands, feeling the soft cotton between my fingers. The cool air from the fan swept over my exposed arms, raising goosebumps along my skin. I could smell the lingering scent of breakfast as it wafted through the cracked door. I embraced the sensations around me, grateful that the adrenaline was no longer washing through my body, numbing me slowly. But now, I was hit with the full force of what had happened.
I scrubbed my hands down my face as I tried to make sense of it all. It seemed rather drastic that Gabriel had gone through Fai to get to me, but that was also seeming to be the most logical explanation for this. He didn’t seem all that interested in Fai anymore. His focus was now on me—solely on me. I knew he wanted me, and I trembled at even the thought of those implications.
How far would he go to accomplish his goals? Who was he willing to risk or sacrifice to get to me?
My being at Nate’s house inherently put both him and his wife in danger, and I fought the urge to leave—to let the guilt overwhelm me and flee—because I knew they would sacrifice anything to keep me safe. But that didn’t erase the possibility that we could be hurt.
I also couldn’t hide here. I didn’t even want to hide here, even for a day. I wanted my life: the life, the career, and the relationships I had worked hard for. I wasn’t willing to sacrifice them because of Gabriel. It could take weeks, months, or even years to find him. I refused to hide.
I heard the sound of voices muffled in the distance, talking softly. It was time I faced my friends. It was time I leaned on them for support, but also to explain that I would still be living my life and finding a compromise with them to get back to it. While I didn’t want too much of my existence to change, I knew parts of it needed to. I had to be more wary of my surroundings; I needed to pay extra attention when I went out. Not that it was much different than how I already behaved as a woman in this world.
I stood with a sigh, stretching my sore muscles once my feet hit the cool tiles. I missed my home, but Nate’s house was glorious. He had built a magnificent cabin in the middle of the woods, with all the exterior walls on the back of the house being floor-to-ceiling glass. His home truly made you feel as though you were living within the trees themselves.
The cabin in Montana was similar with its large windows, but the states were vastly different. While some found solitude and peace in the tall mountains, I found it here within the rainy forests that cover the Pacific Northwest.
I wandered out of the room and down the hall, and was surprised to find a nearly empty kitchen. Nate’s wife, Scarlett,stood behind the kitchen island, her elbows propped on the counter as she nursed a mug of steaming coffee. Her curly brown hair was tied in a bun at the top of her head, and she was dressed in what I assumed was one of Nate’s college shirts. She smiled as I entered and motioned to a stool across the island from her.
While Nate and I were fast friends, Scarlett and I hadn’t spent too much time together. She worked a demanding job at a security firm that specializes in cold cases. It was her calling, but it did eat up much of her free time.
“Morning,” I said through a yawn, sliding onto the stool while she poured me a cup of coffee.
She smiled softly. “In the kindest of ways, you kind of look like you got hit by a truck.”
A startled laugh fell from my lips. “I feel like it, too. Where is everyone? I thought I heard talking.”
Scarlett motioned toward the back wall. I could see a trio sitting on the back porch, and if my eyes weren’t deceiving me, it was Jackie, Nate, and Fai. A trio I hadn’t expected to see—ever.
“Woah,” I muttered, turning back to Scarlett. “When did Nate…”
“Stop despising Fai on principle?” Scarlett interrupted.
I nodded.
“Last night,” she explained, refilling her empty mug. “They talked. I’m not sure of the details, but Nate is—well, he isn’t friends with Fai now nor happy with him, but I think he understands better.”
“I’m proud of him… not just as his doctor, which—once again—I should not be.” Scarlett laughed as I spoke. I had been trying for years to get Nate to officially switch psychologists, but damn, was he stubborn. “I’m proud of him as his friend.”
She looked out the window at her husband, her eyes filling with love when they landed on him. “He really is incredible.”
“Do you not have work today?” I asked, leaning back in my chair.
