Page 41 of Running
“Shit,” Johnson then whispers faintly. Is he saying that because he stuck his foot in his mouth about seven times? Or because I’m still a virgin?
Another beat passes and then he runs his hand down his beard. His expression is earnest, but not as flustered as during his apology a moment ago. It’s as if he found a way to calm himself down again.
“I’m sorry, I’m making a fucking mess of this. Let me start over?”
I nod, not knowing how else to respond.
“Grace, I’m going to be real. I’m attracted to you. Not only because you’re gorgeous, but because of who you are as a person.”
Sincerity is oozing from his tone.Okay.I feel my nerves pacified by his compliments. Keeping me from leaning into my insecurities as the reason for all his mixed messages this morning.
“But if we told Landon anything about being interested in each other, best case scenario, he would probably make it awkward. Be constantly checking with us on how it’s going,making sure I’m not screwing up. Worse case, he would be livid.”
True. Landon has a big brother chip that would probably be at DEFCON 1 in this situation.
“I can see that.” I leave my response at that.
“Plus, I don’t want to explore something, have it go sideways, and then make you uncomfortable, piss Landon off, or even make things weird on the team. I owe too much to Coach Houston to screw things up for the team.”
He looks off towards the open space of the basement, like he’s trying to reset himself, and then turns back to me. “I’m going too fast. I shouldn’t even assume what you want.”
WhatdoI want?
I take a few breaths and digest the question. Until this second, dating Johnson wasn’t even something I entertained, so I haven’t had a chance to think—or overthink—about it yet.
But, if circumstances were different, would I say yes to a date? Give things a chance?
Yeah, I think I would. He’s shown me so much of himself the last couple of weeks that is different from what I’d expected. And I’m clearly physically into him.
He’s looking at me expectantly as I finish my internal conversation.
When I finally respond, my voice is faint, but I give an honest response. “You didn’t misread things. I would want to see where things evolve.”
He swallows, eyes staying on mine. It takes him a few seconds again to find his words.
“I’m especially sorry then, Grace. But I think it’s best that we shelve this. Maybe after the season is over, it’ll be easier to figure out.”
Inside, I’m now a raw nerve, exposed, my stomach churning.
But I get what he’s saying, objectively, so I try to manage my emotional reaction.It’s not about you, Grace. Helikesyou.
“I hope we can stay friends in the meantime?” Johnson’s voiceis again a little earnest, and entirely sincere. “For the gala and otherwise.”
Oh yes, the gala.I nod, feeling some relief at his offer, given we’re still three weeks from the auction and need to be able to communicate. “Yes, okay.”
The ends of his mouth tip up a bit, even while his eyes are sad. “Great.”
“I better get going.” I’m now officially desperate to get out of this basement so I can have time to process everything that just happened.
He gestures to the donations. “I can bring all the items we picked to the facility tomorrow?”
“Thank you.” I check my watch. “I’ll get home in time to watch the interview too.” Landon and Rawley’s joint interview is at noon, and while I originally thought I might end up being here to watch it with Johnson, I need breathing room now.
Once we’re both upstairs on the main floor of his house, he walks me outside to my car.
“Thanks again for coming, Little Battle. Hopefully the new things do well in the bidding.” He begins walking back to his front porch.
With the new transparency between us, I finally ask a question I’ve been wondering about. Maybe I’m only being brave because I’m directing the question to his retreating back.
