Page 135 of Running
He leans over his desk, crossing his arms. “Well, son, secrets have a way of coming out when you least expect it, as you’ve now learned. I don’t love that this could hurt the team dynamics.”
I maintain eye contact despite the guilt I feel for letting him down. “I promise you that’s the last thing I want. I’ll try to talk to him as soon as tomorrow’s game is over.”
“Alright. I appreciate it.” His tone is calm enough that I feel myself relax a little. This could be worse.
I feel awful asking for his advice in this circumstance, but I need it.
“What if he doesn’t forgive me? What would you do if you were me?”
He narrows his eyes, considering my question. “You’re in this for real with her? Not just screwing around?”
“I’m all in with Grace, yes, as long as she’ll have me. I—I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
He sighs. “Then I think you lay your heart on the line with him. Tell him how you feel. And with Landon, you may have to repeat it a few times, get loud. He’ll hear you eventually though, I believe.”
“Okay, I can do that.”
“He’s a family guy. Like you, like me. It may take him a minute to trust you again, but if you’re doing right by his sister, he’s ultimately going to want her to be happy.”
“Yeah. I’m so sorry that I disappointed you, Coach.”
His face softens. “Johnson, we both know what you’ve survived to get here and what you do for the team, for the community. I’m not disappointed in you. You’re twenty-three and allowed to mess up here and there.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“But I’ll channel Margaret for a minute, because she adores Landon’s sister. Treat her right, or I’ll get a little tougher on you.”
“Yessir, I will.”
“Keep me updated on how it goes with Landon.”
With his dismissal, I say my goodbyes and let the trainer lead me out to his car, before he drives me home. The whole way, I process the fact that I told Coach and he didn’t even raise his voice at me.
It’s another reminder not to hold myself to impossible standards in silence, and instead have honest conversations with people I’m concerned about.
I just hope Landon will let me have a conversation with him.
When I walk in the door, Mom greets me, getting the Halloween candy ready for trick or treaters later. “How did it go?”
“I’m exhausted, and my head is starting to hurt again, but it went well. Can you help me with something before I crash for a nap?”
JOHNSON: Landon, I’m truly sorry you had to find out about Grace and me that way. It’s not what you think. Good luck tomorrow, and I’d like to talk after the game when you’re free.
Using my phone since I can’t, Mom types out what I ask. She makes the message a little more formal than if I’d typed it, but it gets the job done.
She puts the phone away after sending the message. “I’ll check it for you in a little bit and let you know if he responds.”
He still hasn’t when I wake up from the nap. Or when Grace gets home and we have fun greeting the neighborhood kids as they stop by for candy, while Mom and Lainie take Emma and Leo out in their costumes.
He hasn’t when we get up the next morning, or before the game begins a few hours later.
And the Waves lose. 21-10.
Only our second loss, bringing our record to 7-2, but with my concussion symptoms, my return—and our season—is in limbo.
My friendship with Landon is most definitely in limbo too.
When I ask Mom to send him another text on Wednesday, as I’m still stuck at home for my recovery while another game day approaches, it feels like I'm going crazy.
