Page 76 of Not So Fast
“Which is why I have decided to tackle a completely different problem in my life. I’m having my mom over tomorrow night so I can finally have it out with her.” They had to find a way to come to some understanding. Mia couldn’t let things stay the way they were.
“Whoa. That’s no easy thing.”
“Everything in my life is a mess right now. Might as well really get down in the dirt.”
“Do you need me to come over and referee? I watch a lot of reality TV. I get very invested in other people’s conflicts.”
It was tempting, but this was a Mom-and-Mia problem. Jasmine would only prompt her mom to be on her best behavior and possibly pour Mia too many glasses of wine.
“I love you, but some things I need to do on my own.”
Jasmine dropped Mia off, and Mia was immediately hit with a sense of urgency when she walked in the door of her apartment. She knew her own silence in the midst of her personal crisis was probably making things worse. She wasn’t ready to record a full episode ofNot So Fast, but she had to upload something. So she wrote up a quick script and went to work.
“The Silverstone Grand Prix was one for the record books, but after a long day of travel back to Austin, I’m not quite ready to record my complete episode on the race. Plus, I realize many of you are disappointed in me. You might believe I’m not the person you thought I was. And I understand that disappointment. I do. And I’m sorry. If I could go back and make some changes, I would. But I can’t. I can only look forward. And with that in mind, I’ll be recording my Silverstone wrap-up from the Austin Grand Prix meet-up I planned a month or so ago, which takes place this Wednesday at Arena Ale in Austin. I have no idea how many of you will still come, but I hope you will, because I will also make an announcement about the future of the podcast, as well as offer further explanation about what exactly happened when I went to England. Until then, you’re listening to Mia Neal andNot So Fast.”
Mia pressed the stop button on the recorder. She could listen to it again and refine it or try a second take, but she was so tired of second-guessing herself and her own voice. It felt right while she was recording. That was enough. So she brought up the file on her computer, did a bit of audio magic and uploaded the episode. Then she sought the sweet relief of sleep.
Fifteen
What is your biggest fear? What does it say about you?
It’s very simple. I’m terrified something bad will happen and I won’t be able to fix it. For a long time, that worry extended to my career. But I’m learning there are only so many things I can control. I need to focus on those. For today, I hope to convince Dad and Mum to let me move forward with Oscar’s house. I can’t control their answer, but I can control my part in asking the question. As for Mia, I have no control. I love her more than I thought it was possible to love someone, but she needs to sort her life. I can’t do that for her.
Xander closed his journal, downed the rest of his protein shake and got in the Jeep to drive over to his parents’. It was Tuesday morning, and they weren’t expecting him since they’d just had dinner last night. The subject of Oscar’s house hadbeen dodged, much to Xander’s chagrin. At this point, Xander thought it best to wage a sneak attack.
“Mum! Dad! Everyone decent?” Xander called as he stepped into the foyer, closed the door behind him and took off his shoes.
His dad walked into the hall from the great room, concern and confusion painted on his face. “Everything all right, son? We just saw you last night.”
“Dad, we have to talk about the house for Oscar. And I figured it would be hard for you to avoid the topic at 11:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.”
His dad sighed. “Fair enough. Come on in. I’ll put on some tea.”
Xander followed his dad into the kitchen and watched him set the flame under the kettle while Xander fetched two mugs from the cabinet near the stove. “Where’s Mum?”
His dad got out the same Yorkshire tea Xander preferred. “She went into town to have an early lunch with a friend.”
“Oh. Wow. She seemed great last night, but I didn’t know that meant she was up to being out and about.” Xander was so pleased. This was a wonderful, unexpected surprise. “That’s so great to hear.”
His dad grinned. “You know what this whole thing has taught me?”
Xander couldn’t begin to guess. From where he was sitting, a diagnosis like MS came with dozens and dozens of lessons. “Tell me.”
“It’s taught me to appreciate the good days. Your mum still has lots of them and we’ll take every last one.”
How Xander loved the simplicity of that. He and Mia’d had so many good days together, especially when she’d been in England and they had their first chance to really get to know each other. Those long walks and card games mighthave seemed like ordinary activities to anyone looking in from the outside, but they were cherished memories for him now. It was the first time in a long time when Xander had simply felt like himself.
“That’s nice. I like that.”
The kettle whistled on the stove and his dad killed the flame, then poured the hot water into their mugs, handing one to Xander. “All right, let’s talk about Oscar and this house you want to build him.”
The pair sat at the kitchen table and Xander smoothed his hand over the wood surface, pondering his approach. Being direct seemed best. “I got a call from the architect. He says you haven’t been returning his calls.”
“He’s right. I haven’t.”
Xander and Mia had discussed this situation after the night she’d come to dinner. Xander would never forget what Mia had said to him after he’d explained everything. Her insight was right on the nose.
“You’re trying to protect Oscar. And I understand that. I’m sure when he was born, you and Mum had all sorts of questions and doubts about what his life would look like when he got older. But with all the love and support you’ve given him, and with therapy and many other things going in the right direction, he has a job, he has friends. And now he’s ready for the next step. He will literally be on the same property as you and Mum and me. He will be fine. He needs this.” Xander twisted his lips and looked up at the ceiling. He didn’t want to talk out of turn, but his father needed to know he was holding Oscar back. “And he has a girlfriend, Dad. He’s nineteen. He’d like some privacy. And I can’t blame him.”
