Page 25 of Not So Fast
“Why shouldn’t I think about the past?”
“Because that’s magical thinking. You can’t stay wedged in last year or the year before. Sure, they were great, but life doesn’t work like that. You’ll never again be that person you were last season or the season before. So don’t even entertain the notion. Just think about tomorrow, looking ahead and staying positive. Think about a flow of good energy.”
“This is all leading to you telling me that my struggles are stress. Or a mental block. Just like on your podcast.”
“I can’t believe you listened.” Her voice reached a high pitch and she stopped kneading, which was such a disappointment. Still, he could hear how much it meant to her.
“Yes. I listened. Just to the one episode. After Miami. You could’ve skewered me, but you didn’t.”
“I didn’t have the heart. Not after I witnessed firsthand what a jerk Dirk is.”
“Well, you’re wrong about me. It’s not in my head. Halfof what I do is keeping a strong mental state. I’ve spent years honing that skill and I’m very good at it. I have zero problems on that front.”
She planted both hands on his shoulders. “Interesting. Tell me more about that.”
“Now you sound like a therapist. You don’t believe me. I can hear it in your voice.”
“Do you have a sports psychologist you work with?”
“I do not. I don’t need one.”
“I just want to understand how you think you can go about changing your thinking if you don’t have any help.” Mia returned to kneading, rubbing away the tension in his neck and shoulders. It made him lightheaded, but he lapped up every second of it. He couldn’t begin to remember how long it had been since a woman had touched him like that.
“It’s about strength. That’s all. My mind is strong. This is something I never, ever question.”
“Maybe you know what’s wrong and you’re just not ready to admit it to yourself.”
“Or maybe you’re wrong.”
“You definitely don’t want to admit it.”
Honestly, he would admit all sorts of things if he could simply sit there and let her hands rove over his body. Let her massage away all his pains.
“You realize I pay a physiotherapist a ton of money to do this for me and they’re not anywhere near as good.”
“I went to school for massage therapy.”
She was full of endless surprises. “Do you practice?”
“Nope. I got the training and the license, but never did anything with it.”
“What about psychology? Did you use that?”
“Nah. Being a clinician didn’t feel like a good route for me. Sitting in an office all day.” She sighed a heavy sigh. “Now, I did self-publish a mental health journal. Every day you fill out a page that starts with a different prompt. Things like ‘Today, I feel…’ It helps you keep in touch with your emotions. Sometimes simply acknowledging your feelings is enough.”
“Sounds interesting.”
“Do you want one? Because I have about fifty in my apartment. They weren’t exactly a big seller. I write in one every day but it’s going to take me a lifetime to fill all of them.”
Again, he laughed. “You are a mystery to me, Mia Neal.”
“Yeah. I’m kind of a mystery to myself, too.” She patted him on the shoulder then walked back around until she stood in front of him. “You should probably head to bed, mister. You have a big day ahead.” She reached out her hand as if to help him up.
He accepted the gesture, even though he didn’t require the assistance. He liked touching her. Hell, he was even starting to likeher.
“Why are you being so kind to me, Mia? I’ve left you to your own devices for days.”
She blinked her big, beautiful eyes. “Not sure why, but I like you.”
