Page 11 of Fractured
Walking over to the bed, grabbing a pillow and the pink fur blanket I rip it off dragging it behind me as I cross the room to my art studio. Flipping on the light, I drop my bedding in the middle of the room and walk over to my paintings that are stacked up against the far wall.
Sitting cross-legged on the floor I take my art pieces one at a time as I shimmy my butt as I go and line each canvas resting on the floor around the perimeter of the room. A sense of peace settles in my chest when I sit back. I reach for another box and dig out my nightlight. I move a small painting over and plug it in.
I gather up my bedding and make a makeshift sleeping bag. I turn off the light and snuggle in. The soft glow illuminates the beauty of the world only I know, and it comforts me.
When morning arrives, I roll onto my side, and my back is stiff, but for the first time in a long time, I slept peacefully. Slowly opening my eyes, and adjusting to the morning light, my English garden, with the bench and the giant purple flowers, is the first thing I see. Crawling over to stroke the trees with my fingertip, the butterflies that flutter above the pond.
My heart sings, home.
Folding up my bed, I put it on top of the boxes and I make my way over to my suitcases and take out my jeans and my fuzzy pink sweater. Today his mother comes to go over our schedule for the wedding. Yesterday I was terrified. Today, I have a sense of stillness that has replaced the terror; one I’ve never felt before.
Flipping on the bathroom light, I get dressed and brush out my hair and it falls in waves around me, my ever-present shield from the world. I put a bit of mousse in it to keep it from fuzzing out all over.
Sitting on the couch I sit there and wait. I don’t know if I’m supposed to eat breakfast in my room or leave the bedroom andgo to the dining room to meet his mother. No one told me what to do, so I wait. Reaching over I pick up the few petals that fell off during the night and put them in the bowl.
I don’t know how long I sat there waiting, but three more leaves have fallen off in that amount of time. Sasha comes in and tells me to follow her. We head down the hall towards the stairs. I hear my mother’s voice and then Rebekah’s. I guess we are having breakfast together.
I reach the top landing and his mother turns from the trio and smiles up at me.
“There she is! Oh, look at you, so beautiful.” She rushes to the bottom of the stairs as I met her. She kisses my cheeks.
Neither my mother nor my sister has even approached me to say hello since I came down the stairs. But I expected that in a way. I mean nothing to them but a means to an end.
“Come.” She links her arm through mine; “We need food in order to spend all my son’s money.” She snickers and pulls me closer.
My heart drops slightly, and guilt follows. She is so kind; she does not deserve what I’m about to do. But then again, I have no choice.
My mother and sister follow, and we take our seats at the table. I look at Alexander’s chair and my chest gets tight. No one takes his seat, and I’m thankful.
His mother takes a seat beside me. My mother and sister sit across from us. Rose comes in and pours us coffee. I look at her and smile while everyone else ignores her. I mumble thank you, and she softly rubs my back as she leaves the table.
Rose comes back with breakfast and food and forks are flying as well as a million conversations I’m not following. My father said my mother makes all the decisions, and I’m good with that. I see this as one more petal that has to fall. One more leafin the bowl till it’s full and I’m free.
I pick at my food, agreeing at the appropriate times and making sure there is a smile ever present on my face. Rose removes our plates and we linger over another cup of coffee, which so far is the only true thing I'm enjoying. I love my coffee.
Alex’s mother moves us to the library; she has the whole thing all laid out on the coffee table and the writing desk. There are huge books, swatches, and menus. It’s like a bridal boutique exploded in here. I take a seat on the chair while my mother and his mother take a seat on the couch. Rebekah sits on the loveseat, flipping through a bridal gown book in her hand.
As they plan, I watch and listen. I nod, smile, and nod again in agreement, and say my part of the excited bride, ‘Oh, that’s lovely.’ or ‘It’s perfect’. The morning flies by, and soon we are kissing cheeks and saying goodbye.
It is close to lunchtime, so I glance around the library before I’m dragged back to my room. I’m shocked to find “All The Bright Places” on his bookshelf. It is a sad love story; one I feel I can identify with in a way. This book is not one I’d expect to see on his shelves.
I pick up the book and walk out of the library, and up the stairs to my room. Sasha follows me; I smile at her and close the door behind me as I approach the sitting area. Flopping back on the couch, I pick up another fallen flower and put it in the bowl and open my book.
I try to read but my thoughts keep going over all the craziness of the morning. Alexander's mother said that the dress fittings will be held here. I’m assuming that was Alexander’s doing since I’m under house arrest.
The only bright light is that Anna will be here. I can’t wait to see her, to hug her and hold her tight. I want to enjoy the day with her and have good memories of tomorrow with her.
Lunch comes and goes, and dinner comes and goes. The previous day repeats itself.
Pick the dying flowers off the table, and put them in my bowl. Bathe, put my jammies on, grab my book, and go to my room. I make my bed, turn off the light and snuggle in and read by the dim light till I can’t see anymore and fall asleep.
This morning when I opened my eyes a sense of excitement tingled in my belly. Today I get to see Anna. I jump up and shower, get dressed as quickly as I can, and pull my hair into a ponytail. I sit on the couch, pick up the fallen leaves, and wait.
Soon Sasha comes and gets me and I follow her, I can hear Anna before I even reach the stairs.
“What the fuck do you mean, I can’t go upstairs?”
A male’s deep voice says, “That’s right Pixie, you’re not allowed up. You can wait down here till everyone else arrives, or until she comes down.”
