Page 75 of Colt
“Confusing thoughts.” She laughed softly. “But not bad ones.”
I sat down on the garden bench, gathering my courage. “I need to tell you something.”
Her smile faded slightly. “Okay.”
“Last night, when you said you wanted to try—that meant everything to me. More than you can know.” I took abreath. “But I’ve been thinking, and I need you to understand something. If being around me is hurting you—if the pressure of rebuilding this relationship is too much—I’ll step back.”
“Colt—”
“Let me finish.” I held up a hand. “I can be their dad from a distance. Whatever visitation works for you. I’ll show up for birthday parties and school events and holidays, but I won’t be here every day making you feel like you have to perform some version of yourself that you don’t remember.”
Lilac stared at me. “You’d do that? After everything you’ve done to be part of their lives?”
“If that’s what you need.” The words cost me everything, but they were true. “I’ve spent weeks watching you navigate this impossible situation, and I’ve seen how hard it is. The confusion, the pressure, the weight of everyone’s expectations. If I’m making that worse—”
“Stop.” Lilac stood up, crossing to where I sat. “Stop talking.”
I stopped.
She stood in front of me, close enough that I could smell her shampoo—different from what she used to use, but still somehow achingly her.
“You would really walk away?” Her voice was quiet. “Give up everything you’ve been building, just because I might be uncomfortable?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you.” The words came out simple, honest, inevitable. “I loved you when I married you. I loved you when I thought I hated you. I’ll love you for the rest of my life, whether you remember me or not.”
Lilac was quiet for a long moment. Then, slowly, she reached out and cupped my face in her hands. “Don’t you dare step back, Colt Spencer.”
I went still. “What?”
“You heard me.” Her thumbs traced my cheekbones, gentle and deliberate. “I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want distance or visitation schedules or you being a ghost in your boys’ lives.”
I frowned. “Then what do you want?”
“I told you I want to try. I want to do this together.All of us. I want to figure out who we are now, not who we were then. And I want—” She hesitated. “I want to see if I can fall in love with you again.”
I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe. Could only sit there staring at this incredible woman who’d been through hell and was still willing to take a chance on me.
“Colt?” A hint of uncertainty crept into her voice. “Say something.”
I stood up, taking her hands in mine. “I don’t deserve you. I didn’t deserve you before and I definitely don’t deserve you now.”
“Let me be the judge of that.”
“Okay.” I brought her hands to my lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “Okay. Together, then. All of us.”
She smiled—a real smile, unguarded and warm—and I exhaled for what felt like the first time in weeks.
She was still holding my hands when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Neither of us moved.
I looked down at our fingers, tangled together. I didn’t recognize them as mine for a second—these scarred, careful hands that had somehow learned to hold her gently.
Chapter 30
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