Page 35 of Colt
Christ, this kid was going to kill me. Six years old and already carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Just like I had at his age.
“You know what?” I leaned back on my hands, looking out at the yard. “I used to think the same thing. About my little sister.”
Luca’s curiosity got the better of his hostility. “You have a sister?”
“Had. She got very sick and died.” I kept my voice even, stating facts rather than dwelling on the grief. “When we were kids, I thought it was my job to keep her safe from everything. Every bully, every fall, every bad dream. I thought if anything happened to her, it was because I’d failed.”
“Did you? Fail?”
“Sometimes. She broke her arm once because I dared her to climb a tree and she fell out of it. Felt like sh…felt bad about thatfor months.” I glanced at him. “But you can’t protect someone from everything. Sometimes people get hurt.”
Luca was quiet for a long moment. “Knox likes you,” he said finally. “Already.”
“And you don’t.”
“I don’t know you.” It wasn’t hostile, just honest. “Mama says you were different before. That you were good to her. But I wasn’t there. I just know what I see now.”
“Which was me being an asshole to your mother.”
Luca’s eyes widened at the curse word, then a tiny smirk tugged at his mouth. “Yeah. That.”
“You’re right to be careful.” I met his eyes directly. “I was an asshole. I was angry and hurt, and I took it out on your mama when she didn’t deserve it. That was wrong. And I’m going to spend a long time making up for it.”
“How?”
“By being here. By being patient. By never, ever treating her like that again.” I paused. “And by proving to you that I’m not just some mean biker who showed up to cause problems. I’m your daddy. I know you don’t feel that yet, and that’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
Luca studied me with those too-old eyes. Then he picked up his book and stood.
“Knox thinks you’re okay,” he said. “I’m still deciding.”
“Fair enough.”
He started toward the door, then stopped. Without looking back, he said, “Thanks. For fixing him up. You didn’t have to be so nice about it.”
Then he was gone, the screen door banging shut behind him.
I glanced up at the kitchen window.
Knox was there, face close to the glass, watching. When he caught me looking, he darted back fast—but not before I saw it. Saw how he’d been watching his brother’s face the whole time,not the TV. Saw the way Luca’s shoulders had dropped half an inch right around the point Knox must have given whatever signal he’d given through the glass.
They’d been in conversation this whole time. And I’d thought it was just me and Luca.
I didn’t know whether to feel stupid or awed. Both, probably. There was a whole private language between these two kids that had been building since before they knew how to talk, and I’d missed every bit of it. Six years of them learning each other’s faces and silences, building something I had no dictionary for. The verdict Luca had just handed me—Knox thinks you’re okay, I’m still deciding—hadn’t been Luca’s alone. It had been a joint ruling. I’d just been the last to know.
Would it be any different if I’d been there from the start? If I’d spent those six years in the same house, watching them figure each other out—would I know the code? Would I be in on it?
Probably not. Probably that was theirs alone, and always would be. But maybe I’d at least know what I was looking at.
Then again—did Lilac know it? Had she learned it over six years of watching them, living with them, becoming the person they measured everything against? Did they look at each other that way in front of her too, and she could read every word of it?
I thought about the way she’d stood in the bathroom doorway while I cleaned Knox’s knee. Quiet. Watching. Not watching me, I realized now—watching the boys.
Maybe she was in on it. Maybe she’d always been in on it. Which meant I was the only one on the outside.
Chapter 14
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