Page 53 of Boy Friends
I picture myself and Luca on the dance floor, and for a couple of peaceful seconds a pleasant shiver rolls across my body, making my fingertips tingle with possibility. Then I remember everyone else, all the eyes on us, and the tingling turns into panic. The feeling tells me all I need to know.
The fantasy fades, leaving me standing alone on a cold December night. I step back into the light and the warmth of the heat lamps, seeking a drink that will remove the taste of fear from my tongue. I notice too late that I’ve run straight into a group of familiar faces.
‘Wow, Simo, you look . . .’ Mairi starts, but can’t seem to settle on a word.
‘Hot,’ Louise finishes, a wide grin across her face. ‘Whatshe means to say is, you look hot.’ Mairi punches her in the arm, while heat blooms on my cheeks. ‘I’m only stating facts,’ Louise adds with a giggle that makes her curls bounce.
Jacob, who’s been watching the exchange with an amused expression, catches my eye and nods a hello.
‘You all look good too,’ I reply, taking in Mairi’s sequinned dress and Louise’s miniskirt. And yes, even Jacob manages not to be outshone by them. Barely.
‘Just good or . . . hot?’ he asks with a raised eyebrow, then moves to dodge a punch from Mairi.
Suddenly, Jacob straightens, and awe softens the hard edges of his face. I brace myself for another of Anna’s otherworldly surprises, but the second I turn, my eyes lock on to Luca. And something stirs. It’s not the haunting spheres above, or the heads in the crowd as they turn. It’s a well in my chest, a dark mirror lying still until the very moment when the moon is revealed and touches a fingertip to the water’s surface. A single ripple, and the darkness fractures, revealing what lies at the bottom.
I see what they see: a beautiful boy, wearing beautiful clothes like a second skin, looking like a true Brandenburg. But unlike them, I would find Luca in any crowd. Strip him of the name and the expensive clothes and he’d remain the same to me. Strip me of sight and touch, and I’d sense him regardless.
He comes to a stop before me, and I almost look away, because maybe it’s all too much, maybe it’s best to stay drowned. It might be dark at the bottom of that well, but it’s safe too. In the end, I have little say in the matter. Now I’m drowning in the blue of Luca’s eyes.
We don’t get the chance to speak, as Anna picks this moment to launch the event. There’s a welcome speech from Graham, the band is introduced, the buffet opened, but the words don’t reach my ears. As the night goes on, Luca’s presence sets me afloat, and it takes a while for me to realise that I’m tipsy. I could do with a break, and not just to clear my head. Turns out champagne, once it’s released its alcohol into your blood, rushes straight to the bladder.
I excuse myself and weave my way through the throng of people. Like a breeze that lifts the fine hairs on my neck, I can feel someone’s gaze on me, but I don’t need to turn to know it’s Luca. The feeling doesn’t fade, even as I walk away.
Once I’ve washed my hands, I don’t head straight back to the party. A pint of water in my hand, I find myself in the shadow of the manor, just off the patio. Ahead of me, Clifford Island rises from the moonlit waves. To my left, music spills from beneath the canopy. Two shadows detach themselves from the crowd and hastily make their way across the midnight lawn. I tense, thinking they’re headed in my direction, but they stop several feet away, caught in an argument.
‘You can’t stop us from giving him gifts, Matthew.’
I recognise Graham’s voice and make myself smaller, hoping the darkness will keep me hidden even in my white outfit.
‘I’m not trying to stop you from giving him gifts,’ Maz replies. I can tell he’s fuming. As much as I don’t want to hear this, I’m scared to draw any attention to myself, so I daren’t move a muscle, staying exactly where I am.
‘Then I don’t understand why you’re throwing a fit,’ Graham says haughtily.
‘Because I’m his father, and you can’t go over my head and bestow him with a bloody trust fund! I’m responsible for that kid, for his health, for his finances, and his future.’
‘You ought to be more grateful then, because his future is safe now, thanks to us.’
Maz’s next words almost come out as a hiss. ‘His future is safe and has always been safe, thanks to me and Polly, his parents.’
‘You’re mad because you hate that we could be involved in his life in any way, big or small.’
‘And you’re trying to pay off your guilt!’ Maz shouts.
‘He’s our grandson – we should be allowed to be generous with him!’
‘Oh,nowhe’s your grandson! That’s quite the change of tone to when Polly was pregnant.’
‘You love to lay the blame on us, but don’t forget that it was you who ran away, and you who told us to stay away from Luca. We sent gifts every year for his birthday, which you returned unopened.’
‘Nobody wants your unsolicited cheques! Not then and not now!’
‘So whatdoyou want, Matthew?’ Graham asks, exasperated.
‘One of two things: you either leave and never return, or you start to care. Like, really, truly care. But let’s be honest, you’re not able to act in anyone’s best interest except your own. You didn’t give two shits about raising your own son, and when you found out about Luca, you didn’t want him either.’
‘That was seventeen years ago. You can’t still hold that against us.’
‘You wanted to force Polly into having an abortion, tried to bribe her with money!’
