Page 65 of Rush
"Yeah."
"You're lying."
"Yeah."
He walks over and leans against my bike. "What's going on?"
"Just thinking about shit I shouldn't be thinking about."
"Juvie?"
I nod.
Tank's quiet for a second, then he says, "That was a long time ago."
"Doesn't feel like it."
"You're not that kid anymore."
"Aren't I? Because it feels the same, the violence feels the same, the fear of losing control feels the same."
"What triggered it?"
"The smell, oil and metal, it reminded me of the showers."
Tank doesn't ask for details and I'm grateful. Some things don't need to be said out loud.
"You talk to Everly yet?" he asks.
"No."
"You planning to?"
"I don't know. Pyro told me to back off."
"Pyro tells everyone to back off. Doesn't mean you have to listen."
"This is different. Diesel's involved."
"So? You think Diesel's never dealt with someone interested in his daughter before?"
"I think Diesel's going to lose his mind when he finds out it's me."
Tank grins. "Probably, but that's half the fun."
"You're not helping."
"I'm not trying to help. I'm trying to get you to stop spiraling." He crosses his arms. "Look, you've been carrying this shit around for years. The guilt, the fear, the certainty that you're one bad day away from becoming that kid again. But you're not that kid, Rush. You've proven that over and over."
"Have I? Because I almost put that guy in the hospital for grabbing Everly's arm."
"Almost isn't the same as did. You stopped yourself."
"Barely."
"Barely still counts."
I want to believe him but the doubt is always there, sitting heavy in my chest.
