Page 141 of Rush
Ciara was just being concerned and I went at her like she'd attacked Everly.
But something about the way she said it felt off, like she was testing me.
I shake my head. I'm being paranoid.
Ciara's been a good friend since I moved here. She wouldn't try to manipulate me.
I go back to work but I can't shake the unsettled feeling.
The anger came up so fast when I thought she was insulting Everly.
One second I was fine, the next I was ready to tear into her.
That's what scares me.
The edge is always there, waiting for an excuse.
And Diesel was right. I am volatile when Everly's involved.
She makes me feel protective in a way that borders on dangerous.
Like I'd do anything to keep her safe, even things I shouldn't.
I think about the promise I made to myself in juvie.
Never lose control, never let the violence win, never become the thing I'm afraid of.
But protecting Everly makes me want to break that promise.
Makes me want to hurt anyone who threatens her.
And that terrifies me.
Because the line between protector and monster is thinner than I want to admit.
I'm cleaning up around noon when Diesel appears in the garage.
"Rush," he says. "Got a minute?"
My jaw tightens. "Yeah."
We walk outside to the parking lot, away from anyone who might overhear.
Diesel leans against his bike and studies me.
"I want to understand something," he says.
"What?"
"What happened with Octavia."
I wasn't expecting that. "You already know what happened."
"I know the facts. I want to know why."
"Why does it matter?"
"Because I'm trying to figure out if you're a violent man or a desperate kid who made a bad choice."
