Page 139 of Rush
Because what if Diesel's right?
What if I'm just waiting to prove him right?
I get up carefully and get dressed, leave Everly a note and head to the clubhouse.
The clubhouse is empty when I arrive. It's too early for anyone else to be here.
I make coffee and sit at the bar, thinking about everything.
The way Diesel looked at me like I'm a bomb waiting to go off.
The way Everly looked at me like I'm worth defending.
The gap between those two things feels impossible to bridge.
I think about juvie, about the scared thirteen-year-old who shot Octavia.
The flash of memory hits without warning.
Ms. Michaels steps between me and Cage, her hands up, her voice calm.
"Put the gun down, Rush. We can figure this out."
But I can't put it down because Ruby is six years old and our father is going to sell her.
My finger squeezes the trigger accidentally and the sound is deafening.
Blood blooms on her leg, her face going pale.
The horror of realizing I've shot someone who was trying to help hits me.
I shake my head and force myself back to the present.
The smell of coffee, the quiet hum of the clubhouse, the morning light coming through the windows.
I'm not that kid anymore.
But he's still in here, still afraid, still convinced violence is the answer.
I promised myself in juvie I'd never lose control again.
And I haven't, not in eight years.
But Diesel's words make me doubt that control.
Make me wonder if it's real or if I'm just one bad day away from proving everyone right about me.
I'm working on my bike in the garage around ten when Ciara shows up.
"Hey," she says with a smile. "You're here early."
"Couldn't sleep."
She leans against the workbench. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, fine."
"You seem tense."
