Page 126 of Rush
The stakes feel different now, higher somehow.
Loving Rush isn't casual, it's not light.
It's choosing someone who's afraid of his own darkness, who's convinced he'll hurt me eventually.
It's standing beside someone while his past tries to drag him under.
And I'm choosing it anyway.
But that doesn't mean I'm not scared.
The lab is quiet when I arrive. It's Saturday morning and most people aren't in.
Maya's already at her station and she looks up when I walk in.
“Nice of you to turn up,” she says with a wicked grin.
“I’m right on time,” I grouse.
"True, but you look like someone dropped a bomb in your life."
I almost laugh. "Is it that obvious?"
"You're glowing and distracted at the same time, so yeah, it's obvious."
I sit down at my station and try to focus on my samples.
Maya watches me for a second. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Because you look happy and terrified in equal measure."
I sigh. "That's accurate."
"What happened?"
"Rush said he loves me."
Her eyes go wide. "And?"
"And I said it back."
"Oh my God, Everly."
"I know."
"How do you feel about it?"
I think about it, really think about it. "Happy. Scared. Vulnerable."
"That's normal."
"Is it? Because it feels like I just handed him the ability to destroy me."
Maya sets down her pipette. "That's what love is though—giving someone the power to hurt you and trusting they won't."
"What if they do?"
