Page 61 of Denial
She gives a hearty laugh. “That was years ago now. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. Yet here I am.”
“Here you are,” I say softly, rolling the cold bottle between my hands. “You weren’t living in Fairview Valley back then. Did you just happen to be here when everything happened?”
She plucks at a piece of lace. “I jumped on the first plane out of Phoenix when I heard what he did.”
Damn. Her loyalty leaves me momentarily stunned. “I bet she appreciated you being there.”
“It was the least I could do since it was my brother and all.”
“That’s not it.”
“It’s not?”
I search her brown eyes. “I think it’s just you. You’re good at helping people.”
“Officer Sunny, are you complimenting me?”
My expression goes flat. “Do you want me to take it back?”
Her smile grows. “No. I think I’ll keep it tucked away for the next time you’re being a jerk.”
I run a hand over my hair. “Ah, yeah. I’m sorry about that. I’ll ease up. I’m not used to…” I point at her with my index finger, then back at myself. “Letting anyone in like this.”
“I know, Sutton. I figured that out the day we met.”
“Being a single dad is hard enough. Seeing all the shit I encounter daily doesn’t exactly encourage me to open up and trust the public. I’m used to keeping my circle small.”
“I’m tough. I can handle your cantankerous moods.”
I run my palms over my face. “Jesus, when you say it like that, I sound like I’m eighty years old.”
“They’re my favorite crowd.” She grins without elaborating. “You’re a great dad. Nellie thinks so too.”
“I hope so. I’m all she has.” Saying those words out loud hits me like a fist to the gut.
“Would it be okay to ask what happened? Nellie has started to bring up her mom, and I’m not quite sure how you want me to handle it.”
“It’s those damn kids. It never used to be like this, but it’s like they turned eight and realized not having a mom made her different.” I sigh. “Jolene passed when Eleanor was a year old.”
Ms. Thompson sits straighter. “I’m so sorry. Was it an accident?”
A current buzzes to life in my veins. The mixture of guilt and relief never seems to leave me alone. “You could say that. She died of an accidental overdose.” Closing my eyes, I drop my chin to my chest as memories from that night come rushing back.
“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry, Sutton.”
And for some reason, I start talking. My lips move without my permission, spilling the trauma I’ve kept locked in for seven years.
“I was the first one on scene. The call came over dispatch with her address, and I was already close. I didn’t give a fuck that my captain was telling me to stand down. That Silas was telling me he had it. I turned my radio off, and I got there minutes before anyone else. It was like I already knew.”
“You don’t need to tell me anything else.”
My head snaps up, more words spilling out. “I didn’t love her. We weren’t ever together more than a few casual hookups, but we were friends. I cared about her. When I found out she relapsed after Nellie was born, I did everything I could to help her. That’s when my family stepped in to babysit so that she could focus on herself. She wanted them to. I gave her money, until I learned she was spending it all on her next fix.”
“I’m guessing Nellie doesn’t know.”
“She knows her mom died because she was sick. She doesn’t know it’s because I failed her.” I give a humorless laugh. “One of my greatest fears is that she’ll hate me when she finds outI didn’t save her mom. The other is responding to a call for someone I care for ever again.”
It’s happened. Many times since that night. Lee’s wife Juniper. Whitney’s kids. The attack at the Sanctuary. Aiden’s wife Isla. All people I care about. All people I keep at a comfortable distance.
