Page 30 of Wild Devotion
I couldn’t even remember the last time Chantel had been on a date. She was married to her job, especially after the move here. But a mysterious afternoon date that she couldn’t look me in the eye about?
This was a setup. My best friend was the goddamn devil.
“Come on, Zadie. It’ll be fun.” Caleb’s voice was low, and he was watching me like my answer was the only thing that mattered.
None of it made him easier to resist.
“I can’t. I have to go.” I turned and walked toward home as fast as my legs could carry me.
Home. Where Caleb also lived. Where, eventually, I’d have to face the exact thing I was fleeing from. The irony wasn’t lost on me, but I was too far gone to care.
My head was spinning and so were my emotions—paranoia, frustration, arousal, and a simmering anger that threatened to overflow. The combination made me want to scream, or cry. Possibly both at the same time.
Maybe pregnancy was like grief, with its own set of stages. I’d done denial. I’d done regret. I thought I’d reached acceptance, but apparently, I’d landed on rage.
Chantel caught up to me in seconds, her stride almost as determined as mine.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” She stepped in my path, forcing me to stop.
“Me? I should ask you that question. How dare you set me up like that? Do you enjoy making me miserable? It’s bad enough he’s moved in without you warning me. But this? What were you thinking?”
“Fuck d’ostie, you need to chill out. All I was trying to do was get you to loosen up and have some fun. It’s skateboarding, not a marriage proposal.” She huffed a frustrated breath, and my ultra-bitch ego deflated.
We stood in silence a moment, the sounds of the park floating around us, the breeze tickling through my hair.
“I understand you’re going through a big upheaval,” she said, finally, her tone softer. “Honestly, it’s the only reason I’ve let you act this way. But your life isn’t ending, and we both know Caleb isn’t the real reason you’re spiraling.”
She was right. At least partially. Most of my reaction was about us. The secrets she’d been holding. The distance I could feel growing between us no matter how close we lived. The fear that I was losing my best friend at the exact moment I needed her most.
The other part was about losing myself. Fear that having this baby would wreck every plan I'd scraped together from the rubble of my last disaster.
“Why do you have to be right all the time?”
“Because I’m older and wiser.” She ran her hand over my arm.
“Three years hardly counts.”
“Those are doctor years. That’s the equivalent of three decades.”
God, this argument again. “Fine. You want to be thirty years my senior? Go ahead. I’ll keep my tiny twenty-eight-year-old brain, thanks.”
“I said equivalent.” She laughed. “That doesn’t add years to my life. Besides, I still have the body of a twenty-year-old. Best of both worlds, cocotte.”
Her amusement told me that despite my tantrum, we were still okay. But I couldn’t bring myself to laugh with her. Nothing felt funny. It felt like nothing would ever be funny again.
“Chantel...” I groaned. “Why did you have to bring up your body? I’m going to get fat. I’m short and compact to begin with, and my ass is already stretching my favorite jeans.”
She gave me a look reserved for toddlers. “You’re growing a human being, not getting fat. And your ass?” She smirked. “Trust me, it’s holding up just fine. But if you need a second opinion, I’m sure Caleb would be happy to conduct a thorough inspection.”
“Don’t even joke.”
But an evil grin was already spreading across her face. “Why not? You know you want him.”
My body was heating at just the thought. But I’d just watched him launch himself off a ramp like gravity was optional. He was gorgeous, twenty-one, and free, and in seven months I’d be waddling through this park with swollen ankles and a diaper bag.
“Please,” I said. “Like it makes any difference. What I want doesn’t matter.”
“It matters.” Her grin dropped. “You still have choices, Zadie. You always have choices. Don’t set your happiness aside. Not yet.”
