Page 155 of Toxic Attraction
"It is. But we're here to remember them. To make sure they know we haven't forgotten."
He nods solemnly. Approaches the graves with the seriousness only children can manage. "Hi. I'm Xander. I'm five. Papa says I ask too many questions but I think that's how you learn things."
Despite the weight of the moment, I see Lev's shoulders shake with something that might be laughter.
"Katya. Dmitri." He speaks clearly now. "I brought the whole family to meet you. Thought it was time."
Mila steps forward. Places flowers on both graves—roses for Katya, toy cars for Dmitri. "I miss you, Mama. I wish I remembered you better. But Papa tells me stories. About how you sang to me. How you loved us."
I'm crying. Can't help it.
"This is Xander," Lev continues. "He's five. Loud. Stubborn. Gets into everything. And he has my eyes."
Xander waves solemnly. "Hi."
"And this is Valerie." Lev pulls me forward. "My wife. The woman who saved me when I thought I was beyond saving."
I kneel beside the graves. Touch the cold marble. " You were extraordinary. Kind. Strong. Everything he needed."
"She was," Lev agrees. Voice rough. "She was everything. And losing her and Dmitri destroyed me for a long time."
"But I found happiness again." He looks at us. "Found love. Found purpose. Built a family that honors your memory instead of being consumed by grief. And I think—I hope—you'd want that for me."
Mila leans against him. "Mama would want you to be happy, Papa. She loved you."
"She did." He wraps an arm around her. "And I loved her. Always will."
"But you love Valerie too," Mila says. "And that's okay. You're allowed to love again."
"Mom, can we put more flowers here?" Mila asks, reaching for the bouquet.
The word stops me cold.
Mom.
She's called me Valerie for almost six years. Sometimes Val. Never Mom.
I look at Lev. He's staring at Mila with an expression I can't quite read.
"Of course, sweetheart," I manage. Voice shaking. "Put as many as you want."
She arranges flowers carefully. Talking to her mother and brother like they can hear her. Telling them about school, about Xander, about our family.
And she keeps calling me Mom. Naturally. Like she's been doing it forever.
When she finishes, she returns to Lev's side. "Is it okay that I call her Mom? I don't want to forget you, Mama. But Valerie... she takes care of me. Loves me. And I love her."
"It's okay," Lev says thickly. "Your mama would understand. She'd want you to have someone who loves you like Valerie does."
We stand there together. A family built from tragedy and survival. Paying respects to those we lost while honoring what we've found.
We walk back to the car in silence. Each processing in our own way.
Xander breaks it. "Papa, why were you crying?"
"Because I miss them. But also because I'm grateful. For them, for what we had. And for what I have now."
"That's a lot of feelings."
