Page 113 of Toxic Attraction
Mila doesn't know about the basement. Doesn't know Valerie was locked up for betraying us. Doesn't know we're at war with the man who orchestrated her mother and brother’s murder.
She just knows the woman she loves disappeared and came back.
And that's enough to make her world right again.
Later that night, after Mila's asleep, I find Valerie in the library. She's curled in the chair by the window, staring at nothing.
"She doesn't know," Valerie says quietly when she notices me. "Doesn't know anything was wrong."
"She doesn't need to." I pour vodka at the bar cart. "Let her keep her innocence while she still has it."
"How long can we do that? How long before she realizes something's happening?"
"As long as possible." I drain the glass. Pour another. "She's seven. She's already lost too much. Let her have this."
Valerie nods. Then: "Do you still want me to leave?"
The question catches me off guard. "What?"
"After this is over. After Patrick's dealt with. Do you still want me to take my family and disappear?"
I should say yes. Should maintain the boundary. Should protect myself from further damage.
"No." The word comes out before I can stop it.
Her eyes widen. "No?"
"No, I don't want you to leave." I move closer. "I should. I should want you as far from here as possible. But I don't."
"Why?"
Good question.
"Because I'm an idiot. Because I apparently enjoy pain. Because despite everything you've done, I still—" I can't finish that sentence.
"Still what?"
"Want you here." Safer than the truth. "Need you here. For Mila."
She stands. Moves toward me slowly. "Will you ever forgive me?"
"No." Honest answer. "What you did, that’s not something I can just move past. You shattered my trust. Made me vulnerable. Put everything at risk. Imagine how easy it would have been to end this whole mess if you had told me the truth earlier."
Pain flashes across her face, but she doesn't look away. "Will you ever trust me again?"
I study her. See the genuine remorse in her eyes. The way she's stayed despite having every reason to run. How she takes my anger and punishment without complaint.
How she loves Mila like her own.
How she looks at me like I'm still worth loving despite being a monster.
"I don't know." The truth. "Ask me again when Patrick's dead and we're still breathing."
"And until then?"
"Until then, you stay. You protect Mila with your life."
“Okay…” she whispers.
