Page 103 of Edging Coach
“I have to clean my ropes first.”
A total lie. But I couldn’t face getting into bed with him at that moment. In that vulnerability—for both of us—I would’ve blurted out the truth. Not just that I was so proud of his bravery. Or how in awe I was of him. Or what a courageous boy he was.
Nope.
I would’ve told him I loved him.
But I didn’t.
Because that would’ve destroyed us both.
Of that, I had no doubt.
CHAPTER 29
JACK
This amazing week was winding down fast. Too fast. I wasn’t ready to return to the frenetic pace of the regular season, but more than that, I wasn’t ready to let go of Devon.
Because that was what I’d have to do—let go of him. He knew it. I knew it. Neither of us had said it out loud, but the truth was there. I could feel it like I’d felt the presence of the Cup in the building during a game-seven final—no one could see it, but we all knew it was there, and before the night was over, someone was taking it home. And someone was leaving empty-handed.
This felt like going into a game seven knowing to my bones we were going to lose. We’d play our hearts out through an entire season and postseason’s worth of unhealed injuries, and then we’d watch someone else hoist what we’d lost. I’d gone to the finals five times, and I’d lost three. It was a kind of heartbreak few people understood unless they’d been there on the ice when the buzzer sounded and the numbers on the board weren’t enough.
The analogy was imperfect, but that was what it felt like.As if we were limping through the third period, down by three against a brick wall of a goalie, knowing that, short of a miracle, the ending was inevitable.
No matter what happened tonight, this ended tomorrow. We’d close the cabin’s door one last time, leave the key in the dropbox, and drive off separately to the same destination. The day after that, we’d return to the ice in Abbotsford, practicing with the rest of the Grizzlies while bruises and welts faded on my skin beneath my gear.
I didn’t think I’d regret this week in the long run. Right now, though, especially as Devon and I watched a movie on the couch and steadfastly ignored reality, I did regret it. I regretted letting myself give in and get this close to him.
I regretted how perfect it felt to be lying here with my head on his lap, his fingers absently running through my hair, because tomorrow was going to beawful.
I closed my eyes and sighed. I wasn’t worried about missing what was happening onscreen. I’d stopped following it ages ago, focusing instead on the gentle movements of his fingers against my scalp. Of the warmth of his body. Of the powerful thigh muscles beneath my head.
You’re not even gone and I already miss you.
There was still time. The movie had to be nearly over by now, and it was still early in the evening. From the looks we’d exchanged before we’d settled onto the couch, we weren’t finished with each other yet.
Though I wasn’t entirely sure how much I could handle. I loved everything he did to me, inside and out, but there did come a point when pain was less fun. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take on the heels of all the things we’d already done, and I didn’t want our last night to be unpleasant.
“Jack?” Devon’s hand moved from my hair to my shoulder, and he nudged me gently. “Still awake?”
“Hmm?” I pushed myself up and met his gaze. “I’m still awake.”
His smile made my heart flutter and ache at the same time.
How am I supposed to walk away from you tomorrow?
Unaware of my thoughts, he touched my face. “Movie’s over.”
“Already?” I glanced at the screen, and sure enough, the credits were rolling.
“I guess?” He laughed softly. “I think I stopped following it like an hour ago.”
Turning to him again, I smiled. “You too, huh?”
Another laugh, which made me warm all over. When was the last time someone had made me feel this way?
HadI ever felt this way? That was a thought. Because I couldn’t even remember having butterflies like this for my ex-husband.
