Page 29 of My Addiction
Ollie is sitting in his highchair, happily eating breakfast like nothing is wrong. Relief hits me so hard my knees go weak for a second. Ronan is leaning against the counter nearby, shirtless, his sleep pants hanging low on his hips. For a second, I forget how to breathe all over again.
“Good morning. You’re safe,” he says to me.
“What?”
“I said good morning, you are safe,” he repeats slowly this time.
“I heard you, but why are you saying it?”
“It’s what Siri said that you need to do when a baby wakes up in the morning. Honestly, you should know that.”
At first, I think he’s joking, but he’s as stoic as ever. There was a seriousness to his tone that wasn’t usually there.
“What do you mean?” I smile at him.
“It’s baby 101 according to the internet. Haven’t you been caring for him this whole time?”
“You researched it?”
“Yeah, I didn’t want to wake you. By the way, never have Siri pause between sentences.” The frown on his face turns into a pout. He looks over to a small kitchen garbage bag on the floor near the door.
“And why is that?”
“Because helpful information about getting pissed on needs to be shared before you take a fucking diaper off a baby boy,” he says, completely serious. “It was surprising, to say the least.”
I laugh so hard it almost hurts. For a second, I think I might actually cry. Because this man, this socially clueless, painfully serious man, got up with Ollie so I could sleep. He changed him and fed him. Got peed on in the process. All so I could have a few more hours of rest. Something warm flutters low in my stomach. I force myself to get it together, wiping at the corners of my eyes. When I look back at him, there’s a small smile tugging at his mouth. And God, he really is a handsome man.
“You could have woken me up. I’m used to it. But thank you. Even though it was a short night, it was the best sleep I’ve had.”
“I’m glad. Did you know that Ollie has the same dimples as you? They’re closer to his lips, but that could be because his face is fatter and smaller than yours.” I’m still trying to pull myself together when Ronan steps over to Ollie’s highchair and bends down beside him.
“Show ’em to me, kid.”
To my complete shock, Ollie laughs. Ronan presses one finger gently into his cheek, right where the dimple appears, and Ollie grins even wider. Something strange twists in my chest. He did the same thing to me last night. I thought it had been because of my dimples. Now I’m suddenly wondering if he just goes around poking everyone in the face. The thought stings more than it should.
I look away quickly and grab the mug he left sitting beside the coffee pot for me. Heat curls up from the coffee, warming my hands, but it doesn’t do much for the hollow feeling opening in my chest. Maybe I’m not special to him. Maybe that kiss didn’t mean to him what it meant to me.
It was my first kiss.
Ronan is gorgeous and confident and rich. He’s probably kissed plenty of people. Slept with them too. Why would someone like him want someone like me? I read too much into it. I won’t make that mistake again.
“What changed?” Ronan says from right behind me. I jerk and slosh hot coffee over my hand.
“Fuck!”
Ronan moves quickly and grabs my wrist to pull me to the sink. The cool water flows over my hand, and relief is almost instant. He dries my hand with a paper towel, then wipes up the spill.
“What changed?” he asks again.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yeah, you do.” He studies my face. “You were laughing, and now you aren’t. What did I do?”
I take a slow breath, trying to force everything back down where he can’t see it.
“You didn’t do anything,” I say, even though my voice sounds strange to my own ears. “Don’t worry about it.”
I turn away before he can look too closely at me and reach for my coffee. Because I can’t exactly tell him the truth. I can’t tell him that seeing him touch Ollie the same way he touched me made something jealous and ugly flare up inside me. That, for one stupid second, I thought maybe the way he looked at my dimples meant something. That he made me feel special when I should have known better. Admitting any of that would only make this hurt worse.
