Page 72 of My Addiction
His expression softened then, all the amusement fading into something steadier, warmer.
“Well,” he said quietly, “I already know I’m going to be with you for the rest of my life. Feels kind of pointless to pretend otherwise.”
What the fuck just happened? I must be in a coma somewhere, and my mind is letting me live this out. That has to be it. There is no way this is happening to me. I don’t know what to say. My hands are shaking, and I can’t seem to get enough oxygen in my lungs.
Ronan steps in front of me and pulls me into his arms.
“Breath, a stór.” He places my hand on his chest, and I mimic his breathing. I slowly start to feel in control again.
“I’m not saying we’re getting married tomorrow. We have to find Moses and Ezra first. But it will be soon. You and Ollie will take my last name. I’ll protect and provide for you both.”
My mouth goes dry instantly, my tongue sticking to the roof of it when I try to swallow. He’s serious. God, he’s completely serious. I search his face for some sign he’s joking, some crack in his expression, but there’s nothing there except that steady certainty that always seems to live inside him. Like this is simple. Meanwhile, my heart’s beating itself bloody against my ribs. This man can have anyone. Anyone. One look from him and people would fall over themselves to give him whatever he wants.
And somehow, impossibly, he wants me. Me, with enough baggage to rival an airport carousel and a life messy enough to scare off most people before they get close.
Chapter 40
Ronan
Rule number one: never assume I know what he’s feeling. I ask him. His instructions were clear on that one. So I ask.
“Is that not what you want?”
He doesn’t answer right away. The silence stretches too long, thick and awful between us. How am I supposed to follow the rules if he isn’t? He said he would explain, but he’s not explaining anything. He’s not saying a word. Not for the first time since I met Colton, I hate the way my brain works. Hate that every second of silence feels sharpened into something dangerous. Hate that I can’t stop myself from filling it with all the worst possibilities. How could I expect him to want me the way I want him? I start to pull away, but his hand closes around my waist before I can get far.
“Hold on a minute.” His grip tightens just slightly, not enough to trap me, just enough to keep me there. His throat works around a swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing hard.
“I’m just surprised,” he says, voice rougher than before. “And a little stunned.” His eyes flick over my face. “You just announced that you want to marry me.” A disbelieving huff of breath leaves him. “That’s a little crazy, don’t you think? We just met,” he says more quietly. “And you really don’t know me outside of all theshit.” His fingers flex once against my side. “Hell, I don’t even think I know me anymore.”
“Colton, I know who you are. You’re smart, kind, and strong. You gave up your own life to protect your brother. You just faced your enemies without backing down.” I cup the side of his face. “You know who I am. Or more correctly, who I want to be for you and Ollie. I’ve been told that.” Colton cuts me off.
“I don’t care what you have been told, Ronan. I do see who you are, and I don’t want you to be any different from who you are right now. I want everything with you, but let’s slow down for a minute. I’m not saying no or that it’s not what’s going to happen. I have a feeling that when you decide something, there is no talking you out of it.”
He’s right. Once I decide something, it’s impossible to shake loose. And I know this with the same certainty. He’s mine. I realize something in this moment. It’s not in the possessive way I thought about ownership of him, but in the quiet, soul-deep way that feels like fate. Like, somehow I had been walking around with something missing my whole life, and now here he was. Mine. Forever.
I kissed him before I could say any of it. I poured everything into it. All the fear, the relief, the certainty, the terrifying amount of love already taking root inside me. My hands slid up into his hair, holding him close while he kissed me back just as hard, just as desperate.
A throat clearing behind me brings me back to the present, aware of our surroundings again. Still holding Colton against me, I look over my shoulder. Gloria stands at the top of the stone stairs, cheeks pink and a sly smile on her lips.
“Sorry to interrupt, but Mr. Murphy is waiting to speak to you.”
I roll my eyes. Dad’s just being impatient as usual. I swear the man only has patience for Mom. My attention goes back to Colton. His face is flushed, and he’s smiling shyly. I can’t stop myself. I run my finger across his cheek and press gently at the dimple. It’s fascinating.
“We good?” I ask, still tracing the divot.
“Yeah, we’re good.”
I nod and wrap my arm around his waist to lead him into the house. Only now, so I notice the security guards. My parents’ place has always been our safe haven, so I’m not used to being on guard here. But since it was part of security that tried to kill Colton and take Ollie, I should be more diligent.
“Hello, Ms. Gloria. Could you tell me where Ollie is?” Colton’s voice is steady when he asks. Hopefully, that means he is doing okay mentally. I need some time to research PTSD and emotional numbness. Whether I can help him through it or we need to get a professional, it needs to be a priority.
“He’s in the playroom with Mrs. Murphy.”
I cock my eyebrow at her. This house hasn’t had a playroom in fifteen years. Not since my brothers and I were little. She notices my questioning stare. She smiles brightly.
“It’s the same one you all had when you were little. It makes me so happy to hear the playful laugh of a child in this house again.” She walks toward the hallway that holds several rooms. One being the old playroom. I think it was originally meant to be a ballroom or something similar on the blueprints. Mom turned it into a kid’s dream. So I’m not surprised when we walk through the door and find it that way once again.
“Holy shit,” Colton says under his breath.
