Page 71 of Six Years
And kissed.
And loved.
And everything else that would make you feel better.
Having you in my arms would be enough…
Chapter 1
“made it pretty far on the first try”—Stargazing by The Neighbourhood
March 2025
“Are you surethat’s a good idea?” Doro asks with concern in her voice.
“Yup.” I open another drawer, trying to find my passport. I swear, I have one I just don’t know where. “Have you seen my passport?”
“No?” Shit. “But New York’s in the US, Luan. Your driver’s license will suffice.”
“What if it doesn’t?” I’ve never been on a plane before, the only reason I even have a passport is because Doro, Sarah, —she moved in with us last month, but Doro has known her for years—and I did plan a trip two years ago, I went to rehab instead. “What if I miss my flight just because they won’t let me through without a passport, Doro?”
“Just don’t fly over to NYC then? Grey’ssick, not dead.”
I look up at her, scowling for the very first time in my whole entire life… at her. I’ve never been upset with Doro. I mean, sure, the normal being annoyed with someone when youlivewith them, but never to the point where I was genuinely mad at her.
“Fuck off, honestly.”
“Woah.” Doro holds up both of her hands. “You do realize you’re acting like a love-sick puppy, right?
“Shut. Up.” I amnotacting like a love-sick puppy. I haven’t seen Grey inovera fucking year. I miss him endlessly and now that I have the chance to be there for him when he needs someone, I can do that.
My co-coach is taking over practice for the month because he needs more hours, more money. I don’t need the money because I could have a great life living off of my trust fund alone. I only coach because I have to have something to do to distract myself from thinking about alcohol or Charlie. And now Grey, too. And because I like coaching.
“You’re not even dating him, Luan,” Sarah says and leans against the door frame.
I turn away from them both, going back to opening drawer after drawer.
“How are you even sure he’s still somewhat interested in you? It’s been a year, Lu. If he wanted to see you, he would’ve gotten on a plane to visit.”
Grey had little time, and I understand that he wanted to use some of the time he did have off to travel with hisbest friends. He deserved a break after stressful months on the road and constantly having cameras shoved right into his beautiful face. I, too, would choose a trip through Europe with my best friends over seeing some guy.
“Weren’t you the one who made that poor guy find you without so much as a last name because you thought if he wanted to find you, he would?”
I nod, though don’t open my mouth. I don’t want to talk to either of them because I fear they might convince me to stay home before I embarrass myself.
“He said he wants me in his arms, Doro. If he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t say that.”
She’s worried about me, I know that, but even if Grey turns out to have been a waste of my time, then it’s me who has to figure that out. It’s me who he has to tell that he doesn’t want to see again. It’s me who’ll have to feel the disappointment and the heartbreak, but I’d rather go through that than wonder if Grey and I would’ve ever worked out if we both just put a little more effort into it.
We’d have a long-distance relationship, theyneedwork. Work neither Grey nor I have put into it yet. At some point, one of us will have to start, otherwise we’ll always keep on going back and forth. It’s scary to think about seeing my (potential) boyfriend once a year only, if at all. It’s scary to think about how to make this work, and if it even does, but that’s still better than wondering and never finding out.
“Fine,” Doro sighs. “Your passport is in the back of your closet. You put it there after getting wasted the night before going to rehab.” Her eyes fill with fear, concern. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
I nod, getting off the floor. “I really like him, Doro. Flying over to New York is all I can think about doing right now. I want to be there for him and take careofhim. I want to hold him and wait this out together, make him feel better, you know?”
“You never wanted to do that before.”
I chew on my bottom lip, bobbing my head. “It scares me a little...”
