Page 150 of Six Years
When I don’t look up, Grey lifts my head for our eyes to meet. He looks mad, but I suppose that’s to be expected. “Our breakup isn’t very valid given that I had no say in it whatsoever. Also, I think you were just getting cold feet before officially moving in.”
Cold feet? I was ready to marry him right on the goddamn spot… then his father happened. “It is valid. I don’t have feelings for you anymore, Grey.”
Ah, shit, saying this out loud hurts more than I ever thought it could. And truthfully, I’m not even sure I have any pieces of my heart left that would be able to break.
But this is the right thing to do.
He chuckles.Why is this funny to him?“I think you do.”
“I don’t.”
Grey crosses his arms over his chest as much as he can with the cast on, a smirk tugs on his lips. “Doro couldn’t make you stop drinking in days, baby. I showed up here, and you didn’t even argue with me when I took that bottle away from you. You’ve been drinking for days, and I might not know shit about addictions, but I highly doubt it’d be that easy to take drinks away from an alcoholic once they relapse. I think you were waiting for me to come save you.”
I guess it depends. I’ve never relapsed, which is a surprise to me as well, but I also never had a reason to before. Sure, I was craving a drink every once in a while, but I always texted Grey to distract me, even when I knew he wouldn’t respond. And after a while, I never thought about alcohol anymore.
I’m hoping I don’t go through the horror that I faced when I went to rehab once again. The aggressiveness when I wanted a drink and couldn’t have it? No, thank you, I don’t want that.
I now know how great life can be without being drunk ninety percent of the day, and I really don’t want to fall back to where I once was. Though I’m sure losing Grey is worse than becoming an active addict again, it shouldn’t be, but to me it is.
“I was done drinking for the day.” Unless I passed out a second later, I definitely wasn’t done yet. Anyway, I pop the Advil into my mouth and then down it with some apple juice. “Where’d you get the apple juice?” I know for a fact we didn’t have any here.
“Went out to buy it after waking up.”
I lift my eyebrows. “You bought them for me?”
He nods. “Now, can we stop talking bullshit here, Luan? Could you just tell me the truth about why you’re trying to break up with me?”
“Because I don’t love you anymore.” I don’t think I’ll ever not love this guy.
“Yeah, no, you do. You told me like six times last night.”
“I was drunk, so that doesn’t count.” I take another sip from my apple juice, internally smiling because apple juice makes me feel better. Then I look at the bottle to find out what brand he bought because I don’t like all of them, but I also never told Grey which ones I like and which ones I don’t.
He bought my favorite one.
“It counts, Luan.” Grey takes my hand in his, and I know I should pull mine away and keep on insisting that I don’t love him, but that’s costing me so much energy. I do love him, and I want to hold his hand because I know this is going to be the last time he will do so. “Do you remember anything from last night?”
I shake my head, but still try to find some things inside of my head. It’s like a bomb went off when suddenly all of the events from last night come crashing into my brain. EveryI love youI uttered, everyI miss you, every stupid word that left my mouth like I had nothing to lose.
The mention of his father.
I told him. Of course I did. I’m so stupid. I was never good at keeping secrets, especially from Grey.
I don’t know what Grey sees on my face right now, but it’s horrifying enough for him to nod and press his lips into a thin line. “He really said he’d have me murdered?”
Thereisa way for me to deny it. If I blamed it on the alcohol, I could say I must’ve mixed up reality and some movie I watched… but some part of me is incapable of continuing to lie to him. And so I nod. Faintly, but it’s there. “I… You’re going to think I’m lying if I tell you what I know.”
Grey cocks his head. “When have I ever not believed what came out of your mouth?”
Good point, once again. But this is different. None of what I have ever told him weighed as much asthisdoes. “He came to visit you,” I say, then clarify, “your dad, I mean.”
“Figured he did, otherwise you wouldn’t have run off.”
Right.
“If I hadn’t been in that room, I don’t know what he would’ve done, but…” I swallow thickly at the thought of it. “He hinted at wanting to, uh, get rid of you. But before you say anything, that wasn’t what made me leave. It was him admitting that he was behind the accident, and that this very accident was supposed to murder you already. That didn’t work and thank God it didn’t. But he won’t stop trying unless I’m gone. The worst bit, I can’t even report it because nobody believes me. He admitted all that to me and I don’t have any proof. So I decided to leave because otherwise who knows how long you’d have left to live?”
He nods once, slowly. “You do realize that even if I’d accept your attempt in breaking us up, he’d still want me dead, right? Because, Luan, as much as I know you don’t want this to be true, I’ll just be with another guy eventually. It doesn’t matter if it’s for a quick fuck or a relationship. As long as I don’t marry a woman, my father will always want to get rid of me.”
