Page 103 of Eight Weeks
“You are my problem,” she says, laughing ironically. “Ever since you were born it’s always aboutyou. You didn’t want to be back in the U.S., so we moved here for you. Did you ever consider that maybe Lukas and I wanted to be with our family and friends, and yet when you said the word, our parents jumped and did. And you don’t even appreciate the sacrifices we made for you.”
“You’ve hated me long before that.”
“I never hated you. Not until you turned out to be… this.” She gestures toward me. “You’ve had the best life imaginable, one neither Lukas nor I got. You got to have hobbies from the mere age of two, an expensive one as well. When I was six and wanted to have a stupid ice cream, I’ve been told we don’t have the money for it. Now, imagine my surprise when two years later, you were born and another two later you got to take skating lessons.”
How is this my fault though? I didn’t know my parents were struggling with money before I was born.
“Don’t get me wrong, Sofia, I’m glad you didn’t have to grow up being told no to things you wanted because we had no money. The older I got, the more I understood why I’ve been told no, and you weren’t. Though, at ten years old, I sure as hell didn’t understand a thing about it. Then we moved for only a couple of years, and even here it was always about you. What we could do to makeyoufeel better because you did nothing but cry over Lily and Aaron. Even whenyouended up wanting to move here for good, you still cried about them when you knew damn well you could have reached out to them.”
I couldn’t reach out to them because I had no idea if I would ever see them again. Getting in touch with them only to potentially having to say goodbye one more time wasn’t worth it. Especially not the pain.
“And then you went and fucked my boyfriend? What was that for? Revenge for being stupid and wanting to stay in Germany?” The words just so happen to spurt out of me without my brain ever consenting to it.
Julia shakes her head. “He wascheatingon you, Sofia. You really think I would have been stupid enough to fuck your boyfriend and get caught doing it? Iwantedyou to see it, because if I had told you I saw Leon with some other girl you wouldn’t have believed me, am I right?”
She’s got me there. I really wouldn’t have. “Then why are you still with him?”
“To keep him away from you. You would have been naïve enough to take him back if that little love for me in your heart wasn’t holding you back,” she says. “I knew if you kept on thinking I loved him you wouldn’t get back with him even if he begged for your forgiveness. You may be a little stupid at times, but you would never intentionally hurt someone, no matter how much hatred you might have for them.”
Her arms fall to her sides as she sighs. “God, do you know how often I yelled at him for treating you the way he did? The proposal on your birthday? I wasgladAaron and his friend ruined it. I was just waiting to break up with Leon, but I couldn’t do that before I knew you wouldn’t take him back because you would empathize with his lying ass.”
“Do you mean that?” I get up from my bed. She nods.
“Sofia, I hated the thought of hurting you. You’re my sister, I was just trying to protect you.”
I walk over to her, the tears in my eyes no longer only threatening to swell over, but actually doing so. For the first time ever, I wrap my arms around her body for a hug. She closes me in, holding me tight.
Feeling Julia press a kiss to my head is strange, but for once, I don’t exactly hate it. To be fair, she’s never done it before either, but still.
“I didn’t get to say this before, but Sofia, I’m happy for you,” she says quietly. “Even when you were younger, everyone knew you’d eventually be with Aaron. You guys were disgustingly close, and as it seems, you still are.”
My hands clench around the material of her shirt as she mentions his name. It still hurts to think about him, though I know we’re not broken up. I hope he knows that, too.
“You should text him back though. He retrieved to sendingmemessages and asking how you are. And I think we both know he doesn’t like me very much,” she adds, making me laugh through tears.
We pull apart and I wipe my nose with the back of my sweatshirt, needing that stupid drop of tears to be gone. “I owe you an apology…”
Julia shakes her head with a smile. “Nah, I kind of fucked your boyfriend. We’re good.” We both laugh. Never in my life have I thought I’d belaughingat something my sister has said, yet here I am. “Speaking of him, I have someone to break up with. Finally.”
57
Sofia
“I know that you’re the feeling I’m missing”—If I Can’t Have You by Shawn Mendes
My dad should be back homefrom work in thirty minutes.
I’ve been sitting in the living room, waiting for him ever since my talk with Julia.
It’s still crazy to think that we might actually get along. Though, for how long? I don’t have much time left before I potentially move out and I doubt I’ll see much of her after that.
Anyway, Julia is not the problem, nor has she ever been, really. I need to sort shit out with my dad, not her.
While waiting, my phone keeps chiming, but I don’t dare looking at my screen. There’s a high chance it’s Aaron again, but I’m not sure how long I can keep going with ignoring his messages.
The question is,whyam I even ignoring his messages in the first place? Fear, perhaps? But what am I afraid of?
I know I said I want him to focus on his studies and hockey, and I needed to focus on my school and my issues… but now that I no longer have either of those—except for the long talk I’m about to have with my father—what is holding me back from sending him just one silly message?
