Page 87 of The Long Way Home
You could never give me a damn thing, and I’d still show up for you. I’d still want you safe. I’d still want you to know you matter.
Ben’s voice drifts down the hall, clipped and low. He is on the phone again, clearly annoyed. I freeze for a second, listening. My body coils tight, waiting for the impact of last night. He hangs up just as I step into the living room.
His eyes catch mine. They flick up from his phone. Is he even mad at me for not coming home last night? Ben’s eyes stay on me. I can feel him trying to read something in my face, but I don’t give him anything.
“Rach.” His tone is flat.
“I need to sit down,” I grumble, moving toward the couch. My legs feel heavy, sluggish. I drop onto the cushions and press the water bottle to my lips again. The room tilts slightly, but I ignore it.
“I didn’t expect you home so early,” he mentions, crossing his arms over his chest.
I stare at the ceiling and rest my hands in my lap.
“I’m tired, Ben. I think I need a nap,” I say finally.
Ben steps forward, stopping just a few feet away. His eyes scan my face. “Yeah, I can tell. Jesus, Rach, you look like hell. Did you even sleep last night?”
I shrug. “Not really.”
His stare lingers, but he doesn’t come any closer to me.
“You and Margo must’ve hit it hard.”
“Margo left after the second drink.” I’m done avoiding the inevitable.
His brow furrows. “So… you drank alone?”
I give a dry, bitter laugh. “Yeah. Why else do you think I called you?”
He looks down, rubs a hand along his jaw. “Oh yeah. Forgot about that. But hey, I got second place in that round of poker.”
My head jerks up. “Of course you did,” I snap, taking a long pull from my water. My stomach twists, but I don’t stop.
Ben’s gaze sharpens. “If Margo left you, where were you all night?”
I meet his stare with one of my own. “Oh, now you care enough to ask where I’ve been? What I’ve been up to?”
“Don’t get smart with me, Rachel.” His voice hardens. “I’m just trying to understand what the hell happened last night.”
I push to my feet. My knees shake, but I stay upright.
“I’m just so tired of it all, Ben,” I laugh. “You don’t notice me. You didn’t evenrememberthat I called last night. You don’t check in. You don’t show up. You just expect me to wait around until you’re ready to pay attention again. And I’m done. I’m tired of fucking waiting, Ben.”
Ben steps forward, closing the distance. His proximity almost makes me nauseous. “I had guys’ night. I communicated it to you earlier this week, and you told me to go. What, now I’m the villain for doing whatyousuggested?”
I flinch back a step. “It still felt like I didn’t matter.”
He tightens his jaw and leans in slightly. “You always do this. You say one thing, mean another, then punish me for not reading your mind.” He pauses, rubbing a hand over his face. “Honestly, Rach, I’m too—”
You are an undeniable force.
I cut him off, crossing my arms over my chest. “Don’t give me the ‘I’m too busy’ excuse, Ben. Not today.”
He narrows his eyes. His whole body suddenly stops moving. “Maybe we both need to take a step back and give ourselves a minute to calm down and become rational.”
I stare at him for a second. His arms crossed over his chest. He is going to make this my fault, I know he will. That’s how this always ends for us.
I shake my head and turn away. “No, I’m not stopping. I’m being rational.”
