Page 55 of The Long Way Home
That does it.
Margo jumps in immediately, sensing the shift. “Okay, moving on,” she says cheerfully. “Does anyone want more of this honeymoon wine, or are we all pretending it’s not incredible?”
Everyone takes the out. Conversation swells back up around the table, laughter filling the gaps. Ben leans back in his chair with his jaw still pulled tight. At least he’s finally quiet now. He drapes his arm over the back of Rachel’s seat in an obvious show display. But I’m not afraid of guys like Ben.
I don’t give him any of my attention.
I watch her instead.
Chapter Twelve
RHETT
“Rhett?” Anderson stands, clearing his throat. “Gonna grab more wine, wanna help?”
“Yeah, uh, sure.” I push back from the table. Keeping my shoulders loose, I follow him inside.
As soon as we’re out of earshot, he passes me the bottle.
“So,” he volleys. “What the fuck was that?”
“Hmm?”
“That whole scene you made us all witness, thanks for that, by the way. Was that about Rachel?”
I unscrew the cap and pour slowly into the decanter, hands steadying on the glass as if the motion could steady my racing thoughts.
“Oh, uh, I guess.”
“You care to explain, or do you plan on spending the rest of tonight staring at Ben, envisioning his murder?”
I exhale through my nose, as a bitter half-laugh leaves my lips. “What am I supposed to do, Anderson? She’s not mine. Never was.”
“Well, for starters,” he says, leaning against the counter, “it seems like she got over the part where she’s mad at you for leaving. Are you going to forgive yourself now?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Rhett… look, I know we’ve onlyreallyknown each other a couple of months. But I feel like we’ve connected. I know you were Josh’s best friend, and I respect the hell out of that guy, so I’m going to do him a favor and tell you what I think he’d say if he were here.” He takes a breath. “You aren’t protecting her by holding in your feelings for her.”
He pauses, giving me the space to absorb the weight of that. “Now, I don’t know everything about your life, and I’m not going to pry. But if I were really being Josh right now, I’d tell you the truth, I think he always knew—you’ve been in love with her for years.”
I freeze. My hands tighten around the decanter, knuckles whitening.
“I’m not in love with her.” The lie tastes bitter on my tongue.
“Rhett, I’m here for you. I’myourfriend. So, if you want to say that, I’ll pretend we both don’t know the real answer, but if you want to have an honest conversation, we can do that too, and I won’t tell anyone.”
I almost stop myself before I say it.
“I have been in love with her since the beginning. But she’s never been mine to love.” This is the first time I’ve said that out loud, let alone to another person.
“I want to protect her,” I continue. “I always have. Even when I wasn’t here. And I failed Josh, I know that. I promised him I would protect her, and what did I do? I fell in love with her andleft her. She wouldn’t be in this shitty relationship if I didn’t fuck up. If I didn’t leave.”
Anderson puts a hand on my shoulder. “I know you think you’ve failed Josh—hell, failed Rachel too. But Rhett, you had to do what was best for you at the time, and if it meant leaving, then that’s what you had to do. But I think with Rachel, you don’t have to earn her forgiveness. She’s already forgiven you for leaving. I think you have to forgive yourself.”
I laugh, but it’s hollow. “Forgive myself? You don’t get it. It doesn’t matter how I feel. It doesn’t matter what I want. I’m wired to leave.” I set the wine bottle down, giving my hand an excuse to be busy. “No matter how much I want to be with her, I’m not good for her.”
“Come on, man. Even I know that’s not true.”
