Page 7 of Faking Forever
His face went slack, his shock evident in the immediatewaxy paleness of his healthily tanned skin. He turned around to face her, folding his arms across his lovely bare chest.
She’d always appreciated what a fine specimen of masculinity Smith was. He wasn’t overly ripped. Everything was lean, long, hard, and beautifully proportioned. He had a tennis player’s body. Which made sense since it was his favorite form of exercise.
“Uh…what?” Smith was never lost for words, always urbane, with a ready response to any given situation. But right now he seemed speechless, and that threw Kenny. She’d grown accustomed to his steady temperament. Very few things seemed to frazzle him.
Ever.
Only he looked pretty frazzled right now.
Odd.
Kenny went over her statement. There was nothing confusing or misleading about her words. She’d expected them to be on the same page about this. After all, they were heading into their second year of marriage, they’d established a harmonious domestic routine, they were compatible in every way. She was at a point in her career where she could take a year or two off. And if they weren’t going to divorce, if this marriage was going to be permanent, then surely the next logical step was a child?
“We should have a baby,” she stated as plainly as she could, yet he still stared at her with that glazed, confused look in his eyes.
“Smith?” she prompted, baffled by his response—or lack thereof.
“I-I don’t think—” He swallowed, the ashen waxiness of his complexion going a little green.
“You don’t want a baby?” she asked, hurt starting to supersede the confusion. What was going on here?
“I do. I just didn’t thinkyouwanted another baby.”
Another baby?
“We’ve never had a baby, Smith,” she reminded gently, wondering why she always had to point that out to him. That first time… It hadn’t been… It was…
Her brain glitched as she found herself unable to define exactly what it had been. She’d tried not to dwell on it for too long afterward. What would be the point?
She dismissed it from her mind and focused on Smith. “It’s the next logical step in our relationship, Smith.”
“Is it?” His mouth tightened and something resembling anger sparked in his eyes. “Logical?Right.”
Oh, thatwasanger.
Why?
“Where is this coming from, Kenna?”
“I don’t understa?—”
He shook his head, the gesture curt, almost impatient, and interrupted her before she completed her sentence. “Why have you suddenly decided that you want a baby? And don’t give me any of that shit about it being logical and expected and the right timing. Why now? Is it because your brother’s wife is pregnant? Because Tina had the twins?”
Tina was his younger sister. Her twin boys were born shortly after Kenny’s miscarriage just over a year ago.
“Is it because you think if we make another baby, you can pretend the last one never existed? Although you’re doing a pretty good job of that already, aren’t you?”
She stared, unblinking. Unsure of how to respond to the acid in his voice. The bitterness in his eyes. His words hitting harder and truer than she would ever have believed they could.
“You didn’t leave…after what happened. And we managed to find this routine that works for us. I thought it meant we’d continue on, and now seems like the right time for us to start a family.”
He looked honestly staggered by her response, his eyebrows rocketing to his hairline.
“Didn’t…don’t you agree?” God, why did she have to be so damned awkward when it came to stuff like this? She was a leader in the field of medical and gynecological oncology, highly respected by her peers, but she couldn’t have a conversation with her own husband over something as important as this without becoming confused and flustered.
Kenny didn’t do well with interpersonal relationships, didn’t know what to do with all the messy emotions that accompanied them. She’d come to appreciate what she and Smith had. An understanding. A relationship based on mutual respect, sexual attraction, and possibly even friendship.
This was not how she pictured this conversation going. She’d expected pleasant agreement, and a conversation about ceasing birth control, ovulation cycles, and schedule adjustments.
