Page 85 of The Write Track
I hesitated, unsure how to answer.
“Truth, Bella,” he said in a soft voice. “That’s what we promised.”
“Your house is beautiful,” I assured him, meaning every word. “It’s even peaceful in a way. I like downtown better, though.” It was stupid to be bringing this up now. We were nowhere near sharing a roof. But watching Bree and Brody argue about having two houses despite the fact that they were on the fast track to marriage had made me leery of not talking about these things before it was too late.
“The downtown vibe is great,” he agreed. “What about kids, though?” He caught himself quickly. “Not that I’m expecting kids from you right this second. Or ever.” Suddenly he looked panicked.
It was such a relief to not be the only one saying stupid things that I dissolved into laughter then grabbed his hand before he could flee from the couch. “Wait.” I had to desperately hold onto him. “Don’t run away from me.”
He seemed to recognize the genuine plea in my voice, because he returned to the couch. “I didn’t mean to put pressure on you.”
“You didn’t. It’s something we should talk about.”
“Meaning?”
I took a deep breath. This was not the conversation I’d envisioned us having today. “Do you want kids?” We’d talked about it before, but that was before we’d actually gotten involved. His answer might be different now.
He gave me some serious side-eye. “Do you want kids?”
“No.” I was firm as I shook my head. “This is not the sort of conversation where you match your answer to mine. We need to be honest.”
He nodded, although he didn’t look happy. “I’m afraid I will be a bad father.”
“Because you had a bad father?”
“Yes.”
I considered it a long time. I needed to say the exact right thing here. “You won’t be a bad father,” I blurted finally, taking us both by surprise. “It’s impossible. You’re too loving and giving. You’re loyal. Heck, you’re cognizant of what you’re doing. You’re going to be the best father.”
Amusement ran roughshod over his features. “How can you be so sure?”
“I just am. It’s not about being a good father, though. Do youwantto be a father?”
He was quiet a little too long, and I was starting to get uncomfortable. Then he made an exasperated sound.
“Yes, but I don’t want a huge family. I want one or two kids to give my full attention to. I don’t want a kid of mine feeling as if I didn’t spend enough time with them.”
My eyebrows moved toward one another. “That’s what you were struggling so long to say?”
“Don’t you want a big family? Your mother is extremely hippie-dippy.”
There was no containing my laughter. “Yes, but she only had one child. The truth is, I loved growing up with the kids I considered close to siblings. They were friends, not related byblood. What I really liked was that after a day of screwing around together, I could go home to a room I didn’t have to share and a mother I also didn’t have to share.”
He grinned. “So… you don’t want a lot of kids either?”
“I’m going to be extremely honest.” I searched my heart for the right words. “I can commit to one kid, and the second is a maybe.”
His smile was so wide it threatened to overtake his entire face. “I happen to be a big fan of that answer.”
“I’m glad. You realize this is something we absolutely don’t have to think on too hard right now, though, right? When I’m ready for kids, it’s going to be a bit down the line.” I gestured to sell my point. “I’m only twenty-five. I don’t want kids right this second.”
“Neither do I.” He looked so relieved I wanted to hug him. “I do want to talk about yards, though.”
That threw me. “What?”
“Yards,” he replied. “Kids might be down the road, but they need yards. I never had a yard. I was raised in a high-rise. I do not want that for this potential kid who is very far down the line.”
He made a good point. “You realize there are places near downtown that have yards, don’t you?”
