Page 23 of Wild Heart
My mother rarely spoke—to me or to anyone. Manny’s death had shocked her listless, and whatever it was keeping her heart beating didn’t carry enough strength to do much of anything else. She was catatonic most of my childhood, and I don’t think she really knew how to be anything but broken.
Some days, when I’m really buried beneath my grief, I allow myself to miss her too.
Luis chuckled then, but it was lukewarm and forced. Adjusting his glasses, he ran his palm over the scratched countertop. “The two of us just, uh, wanted you to have something after Manuel passed.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I just said nothing. If he was expecting gratitude, then he’d die standing there. I was tired. Exhausted.Sickof thanking him for things he only ended up taking away.
Sinking back onto my stool, I focused my gaze back on the file beneath my nose, but all my attention stayed rooted on him. He swayed for a while, back and forth from his toes to his heels, clearing his throat every so often like he had something important to say. After a couple of minutes, he did what he always did and walked away.
When the phone rang, I thought about throwing it in the dumpster or wrapping the spiral cord around my neck and faking my own death. In the end, I lifted the damn thing off the receiver and pressed the cold plastic to my ear.
“Cabrera Accounting,” I greeted. “Where all good things come to die.”
“Solnyshko.”
Oh.“I… Ivan?”
“Tell me something, baby, what exactly was going through your head when you sneaked away from my bed this morning?”
“I wouldn’t say I sneaked. I just… walked. Regularly.”
He made a rugged noise, one that made the tips of my ears flush. Melting off my stool, I brought my knees into my chest and got comfortable on the ground. Behind the desk like this, I felt protected by his voice and hidden from anything that might try taking him away.
“It didn’t seem very nice to wake you after you spent your night making puzzles out of humans.” I sank my teeth into my lip. “I also thought you might need a break. From… me.”
Picking at the hole in my jeans, I wound my little finger around the thread, watching the swollen skin turn purple.
“Who the hell said I needed a break?” He cursed in a language I didn’t understand. “If I put you in my bed it means you’re not fucking leaving until I say.”
Promise? …I wanted to ask, but all I really managed was a half-hearted, “I had to work.”
“I don’t think I really give a shit. You came to me, Solnyshko, youcameto me, and then you left.”
A noise burst past my lips, and I suddenly felt the way I did after waking up from a nightmare, breathless and too fucking hot. “Are you… mad at me? I wasn’t…”
Fuck.
I pressed my forehead to my knees and grabbed a handful of my hair. “I wasn’t sure if you’d still want me there. My anxiety is like this…voicesitting inside my ear. It knows all my fears and heightens all my senses, and sometimes, it’s the loudest thing in the world. The only thing I hear. When everything gets quiet again, I’m not always sure of what was real.”
“Alright, baby.” He made a humming sound, and I wondered if he knew how to sing and if he’d ever sing to me. “The only voice I want you to listen to right now is mine. Can you do that?”
“Yes.”
“Good boy.”
Holy hell.
My blood began to buzz, and it was on the tip of my tongue to beg him to say those words over and over and over again.
“I’m going to tuck you back in my bed tonight, and then I’m going to hold you real good and proper, so you damn well know that you’re mine.”
“Yours?”
“You came to me,” he said, again. “And I’ve decided to keep you.”
It was a total barbarian thing to say, but it was also so fucking romantic. I wanted to wiggle my lithe body through this phone and settle inside his pocket.
“I wanna play with your beard and trace your tattoos,” I blurted. “I don’t want you to sleep on top of the covers this time, and there should be a no pants rule.”
