Page 57 of Deviant
Grabbing Rhett’s hand solidified something in my heart that I was on the fence about for a long time. But I had no idea he would ever be someone to look at me in that way.
I watch the rest of the movie and eat none of the popcorn, and when Aunt Aria drives us home, I look out the window the whole way, telling myself it doesn’t matter.
It mattered.
Two years later
Colt and Rhett, 14
I’m standing outside of the locker room before fourth period when Rhett Thornwood steps into my path.
“I don’t think you should go in there,” he says, pointing toward the locker room.
I roll my eyes. “What the fuck are you talking about, Thornwood?”
“The guys in there …” He lowers his voice. “They’re not going to be comfortable changing in front of …” He stops again for a moment, trying to see if I will fill in the gap in his words. “I just think it’d be better if you?—”
“Just say it.”
“I don’t think they’re comfortable changing in front of a gay guy.”
The hallway goes quiet.
I stare at him, and he stares back with a sympathetic expression, like he’s looking out for me. But all I feel is rage as my hand curls into a fist. Before I can swing, though, his friends come in behind him, protecting him like the pussy he is.
“How do you know?” I ask, because at this point, I’ve never admitted that to anyone except?—
“Your aunt told my mom.”
People stop walking past us, and his friends now have their eyes on me, waiting to see how I’m going to react.
I want to hit him so badly I can feel it in my knuckles. I want to grab him by the front of his shirt and make him pay for outing me in front of everyone. But I see his friends watchingme, waiting for me to pounce on Rhett so they can also have a swing at me.
Not happening.
“Move,” I say.
He moves, and I walk past him, not going into the locker room. Instead, I spend the entire gym period in the nurse’s office after I said I twisted my wrist.
But the damage is already done. By fifth period, the entire ninth grade knows, and by last bell, it’s across most of the other grades too.
Rhett Thornwood told the entire world the one thing I didn’t think I would have to tell anyone in this stupid town.
Present
I didn’t get to decide, or choose the words, or the timing, or who heard it first. I was fourteen years old and wasn’t ready, but Rhett Thornwood made that choice for me. I went home that night and called my aunt. I told her I didn’t understand why Rhett had to eavesdrop.
She apologized for it reaching him in the first place, but she gave me the ultimate advice.
“The people who feel the need to dim your light are just stumbling around in their own dark. Don’t you dare turn yourself down for them. Love loudly. Live like you mean it. Be so unapologetically yourself that there’s nothing left for anyone else to define.”
I took that to heart, and by the next morning, I decided I was going to be loud and never give anyone the satisfaction of watching me shrink.
Especially not Rhett Thornwood.
Until now.
Until I’m watching him peel out of my driveway, running away from me.
