Page 98 of The Fake Divination Offense
Maybe the unease I felt wasn’t from Seb.
Maybe it was fromme.
Seb’s expression falls. He knee-walks closer to me and takes my hands. “O. I know you don’t believe this, because you’ve kind of made it part of your personality, but there’s nothing wrong with you. You aren’t broken.”
I grimace. “I have not made being broken my personality.”
“To be fair, wewerebroken for a very long time. And I’m notsaying we’re both perfectly functional, wholly healed adults—gods, no. But I think you see healing as a straight line, and any symptoms mean going backward, but I’ve found healing is more of a… squiggle.” He draws his finger in the air, making a convoluted, twisting shape that, even so, progresses from left to right. “Sometimes we loop back on something we thought we’d gotten over. Sometimes we spiral around something weknowhow to overcome. But we’re always a little further away from where we started, even if it doesn’t feel like it.That’shealing: recognizing that what hurt us can never have us in that exact situation again because we’ve chosen to keep moving forward.”
My brows pinch in some strangled mix of hope and horror. “How—what the fuck, Seb?”
He frowns. “What?”
“I’ve been going to a therapist for almost a decade now, and he’s never said anything as concise as what you just said. Where the hell did that come from?”
Thio, back to setting out components for the wards, looks up with a grin. “He reads self-help books before we go to bed.”
My jaw fully distends. “What?Since when?”
“Since he—”
Without looking back, Seb kicks his fiancé, who grumbles when it makes him knock over a jar of herbs.
“Hush, you,” Seb says. “That’s not important right now.”
But Thio’s face gets kind of dreamy and dopey, and Seb clears his throat forcefully.
I narrow my eyes at Thio. “Since when?” I repeat.
Seb looks back at Thio, having another of their silent conversations, until Seb grunts and pokes me in the chest, more flushed and nervous than I’ve seen him in a while.
“Since I decided I’d like to start having kids as soon as we get married and this fool”—he shoots his thumb at Thio—“agreed for some reason, and I’d like to be a little more put together before I usher life into this world, so yeah, I read self-help books now.” He picks at a string on my shorts. “And those self-help books all soundlikeyou, spouting your therapizing nonsense. Only a lot of it isn’t quite as nonsensical as I used to think it was.”
My eyes were already tearing but they heat all over again, and my throat wells with unexpected joy. “You’re going to have kids?”
“Apparently. But that’s far, far off in the future, and what’s here in the present with us isyou, and the fact that no, Orok. You’re not broken. That’s where I was, right?”
“Right,” Thio says, and drops a kiss on Seb’s shoulder.
Seb blushes again.
Gods, I love them.
“Anyway.” Seb slaps my leg. “This relationship with Belzaroth—Bel? It makes a lot of sense. You have a massive hero complex. I used to time how long your hookups would last by how much they needed you.”
I scour a hand over my face and snort. “You didn’t.”
“I did. There were a few I thought you’d have more than a casual repeat with, but they always proved too independent. You need someone who needs you. You need tosavesomeone, like you always tried to save me; only fuck if I’d let you.” He glares suddenly. “Like, don’t think for a second we don’t know you’re the reason our landlord suddenly redid the entire building’s plumbing and installed a new shower for us.Annual renovationsmy ass.”
I don’t even try to deny it. Just look down at my hands. “You said your shower was crap.”
“But it’s not your job to save me. That’s my point—you need to be needed, and I’ve always fought you tooth and nail over every little thing. For Bel to come along, this guy who clearly needs you, and he’s open to it? You didn’t stand a chance, my friend. Hook, line, and sinkhim.”
“Poetic.”
“Thank you. But—” He bends until I meet his gaze again. “You’re doing fine. Really. Caring for people is not a weakness. I think part of you believes that because of all that fuckery Urzoth’s church spews about strength in aggression only. But it’sbullshit. You feel more than anyone I’ve ever met, and it’s your greatest strength.And that guy in there?” Seb nods toward my room. “He definitely needs that kind of strength right now. Stop questioning yourself.”
“But what if I’m wrong again?”
