Page 78 of The One Day You Were My Husband
“You’ve put it into Maps! Carrie, talk to me. What are you doing?”
God, how I’ve missed my sister these last years. “It’s been a little frightening,” I admit. “Ninety percent of the time I trust myself, but sometimes I wonder. Sometimes it feels like…I don’t know. My body. I can feel him in my body. It used to be like a sixth sense. And it seems to have come back. I don’t like it.”
Maya takes down her cocktail in one. “You mustn’t see him,” she says. “There are far too many gray areas here.”
“I’m not going to! I know this will pass, and I just need to ride it out. But you’re one of two people on earth I can be honest with.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“Anyone in my situation would be confused,” I say. “Wouldn’t they?”
“They would,” Maya confirms. “And that’s why I flew over. I was worried you’d be driving yourself mad and not talking to anyone.” She pauses. “Plus, I’d still very much like to know why Johan was asking you about Dad’s memory. Not to mention their phone call in Thailand. I have to say, that’s really bothering me.”
“I know,” I say. “But I can’t go there. Not while I’m doing this placement.”
She updates me about Dad and then I get out my laptop. I want to video call my children before I get drunk, which will probably take all of one cocktail.
—
An hour later, we’re looking Johan up on his company website. “I’ve looked him up probably even more than you have,” Maya admits. We’re on our second cocktail, neither of us used to spirits, both of us pleasantly fuzzy. “And dear Christ, Carrie, isn’t he just so beautiful?”
“Hmm,” I say, getting up to get some water. I don’t have to be in until nine fifteen tomorrow but I can’t risk a hangover.
“Will you make some toast?” Maya calls. She’s still staring at Johan. “Why did he stop diving? How did he get into architecture? So many questions…” She flicks back over to his Roof listing, which we looked at together earlier. “And he’s obviously got very good at photography.”
I message Robin while the bread’s in the toaster. When I called an hour ago, the kids were in the middle of a furious argument; both were in tears. Raffy shouted at Maeve that she was crazy in the head, which I know will have hurt her more deeply than Raffy could ever have planned. Maeve threw a tube of toothpaste at him, which did nothing to improve the mood.
All good,Robin texts, with a dark, grainy picture of them asleep in their bunks. I zoom in on their blurry faces, wishing with every cell in my body that I could be there with them as they slept, even just for a minute.
Are you OK?he asks, like he does every day.I hope Yanika’s going easy on you.
All going brilliantly,I tell him, but he’s not online now. I hope he’snot out looking at the sky. I made him promise not to leave the kids on their own in the house at night but I’m not sure he’ll do what he’s told. Robin doesn’t function well when he can’t get out there with his lenses.
My sister’s navigating her way around Johan’s Roof listing, reading his description of the house. I get some plates ready and take the butter out of the fridge.
Then: “Oh shit,” Maya mutters, looking at my phone.
“What?”
“I pressed the Request to Book button.”
I freeze. “For Johan’s cabin?”
“Yes. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry…”
I stare at her in horror.
“If I cancel the request, will he still be able to see that I did it in the first place?”
“Yes,” I whisper, even though I would give anything to make it a no. But I’m a Roof host, I know how it works. There’ll be a notification in Johan’s phone right now saying that “Carrie C” wants to rent his property for whatever spurious dates Maya’s entered to be able to search for his place. There’ll be a picture of me. Unmistakably, incontrovertibly me.
“No,” is all I can say. “No…”
“I’ll handle it,” she mutters, white-faced. “If he even bothers to message you. I mean, he’ll probably just think you’re a bit drunk and having a snoop and he’ll ignore it…right?”
My heart is pounding. “Would you ignore that, if you were him?”
She doesn’t get the chance to answer because my phone is now ringing.
