Page 37 of The Man Who Didn't Call
A speech bubble.A little grey speech bubble, which meant Eddie – real, living, breathing Eddie, somewhere in the world – was typing a reply to my messages. I sat perfectly still, watching the bubble, and the South Bank faded to zero.
‘It’s so lovely to be in London,’ Kaia said, arriving back with my drink.No! Go away!‘I’d forgotten how much I love this city.’ I glanced down. The bubble was still there. He was still writing. I tingled. Terror, delight. Terror, delight. I made myself smile at Kaia. She was wearing one of those rings that sits halfway up your finger. I’d bought one, years ago, and it had fallen down a public toilet on El Matador Beach.
‘You know London, then?’ I made myself ask.
The speech bubble was still there.
‘I came here a couple of times on assignments,’ she replied. ‘I was a journalist, in another life.’
She shuddered lightly and I waited, hoping she’d continue. I had literally nothing to say.
(This!This was one of those moments I’d talked about with Mrs Rushby. Total loss of self. Of manners, sociability, control.)
Speech bubble: still there.
‘But I realized I wasn’t really enjoying my life.’ She paused, remembering the time when she didn’t really enjoy her life. ‘So I drilled down to what I cared about, and that was nutrition, being outdoors, keeping my body peaceful and strong. I jumped out of the fast lane and did my yoga teacher training. It was one of the best things I ever did.’
‘Oh great!’ I said. ‘Namasteto that!’
Kaia took Reuben’s hand underneath the table. ‘But then I suffered a major trauma two years ago and that’s when the more profound change happened . . .’
Speech bubble: still there.
‘And I realized, when I began to emerge from it all, that it wasn’t enough to be true to myself and my needs. I had to look wider; I had to help others. Give freely of myself, if that doesn’t sound too pious.’
Her cheeks brightened. ‘Oh my God, I soundtotallypious,’ she laughed, and I remembered that this was no easier for her than it was for me.
Reuben looked at her as if the mother of Christ sat on the bench next to him. ‘I don’t think you sounded pious at all,’ he said. ‘Does she, Sarah?’
I put my phone down for a moment and stared at him.Was he seriously asking me to make his new girlfriend feel better about herself?
‘So, long story short, I signed up as an associate at the Children’s Hospital,’ she said hurriedly. She wanted to stop talking about herself now. ‘One of the fundraisers. I do at least a day a week for them, often more. And that’s me, really.’
‘I have a lot of time for the CHLA fundraisers,’ I said, glad to at last have common ground. ‘Wonderful people, and very good friends of our charity. I guess that’s how you two met, then?’
Kaia looked at Reuben, who nodded uncertainly.It’s fine, I wanted to tell him.I’m jealous of your girlfriend, yes, but only because she seems to have got her act together. Not because I still want you, darling boy.
The awful thing about this, I thought, picking up my phone again (speech bubble: still there), was that I had probably fallen more profoundly for Eddie – whom I’d known seven days – than I had Reuben, to whom I’d been married seventeen years. It was me who should be feeling guilty, not Roo.
I turned my phone face down on the table while I waited for Eddie’s message to arrive, and a terrified euphoria blew over me. The wait was over. In a matter of minutes I’d know.
Reuben clearly had no idea what to add to this exchange, in spite of years in a job that had taught him to communicate in near-impossible circumstances. After a few unconvincing coughs he started talking about the fact that you couldn’t taste chlorine in the tap water over here, or some other such nonsense.
My phone vibrated and I snatched at it. At last.At last.
But it was a text message from Dad.Darling, if you haven’t yet left for Gloucestershire yet, don’t. Your grandfather’sbeen sacked by his brand-new carers. We’ve given up and are taking him down to ours to care for him ourselves. We’ll put him in Hannah’s old room. Please don’t cancel your trip down to see us. We love you (and need you. . .). But if you could delay until tomorrow, we’d be very grateful. DAD x
I went straight back to my Messenger, oblivious to Reuben, Kaia, everyone.
There was no message. Eddie was still online, but the speech bubble had disappeared.
I felt my face collapse. My heart.
I made myself look at Kaia, who was talking to me. ‘I saw two of your Clowndoctors in an oncology ward a couple of years ago,’ she was saying.This couldn’t be happening. Where is the message?‘There was this little boy and he was so sick and sad and pissed about his chemo programme and he shut down when your guys showed up. Just turned his face to the wall and pretended they weren’t there.’
‘I explained that that often happens,’ Reuben said proudly. ‘It’s why they work in pairs.’
‘Soclever!’ Kaia beamed. ‘They work with each other so the child can decide whether or not to join in. Right?’
