Page 34 of Lau Ahi
She stared at me as though she were trying to test the genuineness of my statement.
“I’ll have to do everything in my power to make sure that it happens. I know you don’t understand what it’s like living in anyone’s shadow. But then again, you’re so secretive who would even know.”
I gave her a brief and very fake grin of understanding that was probably more like a grimace.
It always amazed me when people said things like that. The difference of twenty-five pounds and a pair of glasses really had people feeling as though I didn’t look like my sister. Often times I ignored it but there were times, like now when Margo who was the only friend I had in the states besides my girls, really had me looking at her differently.
I mean, Clark Kent threw on some glasses and no one could figure out who he was so maybe people were just that stupid.
“I’m not secretive, there’s just nothing about my life that’s interesting.”
“I find that hard to believe. I know I’m fairly cultured for an American but you have me beat. And I’ve vacationed at places around the world since I was born.”
I wanted to say something snide but I kept my mouth shut. These were the times that I questioned why I still dealt with Margo. Based on what I’d told my sister and my friends they thought she was extremely weird. They thought she had an unhealthy attachment to me and Sasha even wondered if she was a lesbian and maybe she had romantic feelings for me.
Instead of feeding into her newest attempt at digging for information on me and my past, I just smiled and deflected.
“I’m sure it’s the accent that gives off that impression.”
“No, it’s more than that. You don’t talk with a simple British accent. You speak with an upper RP accent. That’s not typical of people who weren’t born in the country.”
“And you assume that I wasn’t born in England?”
“Not like that. I’m saying that I see the flag around your neck and—”
My fingers went to the flag of Eritrea pendant that Nevaeh had crafted for me out of diamonds before she’d headed out to Las Vegas a few years ago. “And it’s no different from an Italian person still honoring the heritage and legacy they come from. No one sees that and automatically thinks they weren’t born where they live.”
She let out a sigh of exasperation that further fueled my irritation. “I feel like you’re starting to make this into something more than what it is.”
“Or maybe you’ve simply never had to deal with the type of xenophobia I have so your casual dip in the pool of it seems normal.”
The shock of the accurate accusation had her touching her chest in offense. “Xenophobia? Now hold on, you’re doing too much.”
“If you say so. But anyway, it seems I’ve been summoned so I need to get ready. This office isn’t big enough for me to walk you to the door so go ahead and see your way out.”
I headed back to my desk not speaking another word and as expected she was walking out by the time I sat down.
I soaked in the solid lilac marble tub in my bathroom trying to understand how my life had gotten to the point where it was at. I normally stayed away from anything besides alcohol but I was wishing that weren’t the case right now. I’d honestly risk my job to have an edible and allow my thoughts to run away from me. Alcohol only forced me to wallow, whereas an edible would let me float. I needed to be weightless after the day I’d had.
One thing I abhorred more than anything was the government. The people who were in power rarely did anything to truly help the people and I was frustrated to think that I was going to have to deal with them no questions asked.
The dean of my department had basically given me leave to work with Agent Nakoa and Ortega-Castillo and the rest of their unofficial task force. I knew without asking that no one was supposed to know abut this case. Besides the lack of information in the news pertaining to this situation, the way I’d basically been threatened within an inch of my life made it obvious. The victim being a former student of the university had them wanting to have a hand in solving the case, which is where Icame in, while also wanting to distance themselves from the crime to ensure they didn’t affect enrollment and donors. It was a razor-thin edge they were walking and they emphasized that my continued employment was contingent upon my compliance. So I’d been leased out like a highly capable field hand to curry favor for my master.
It only reinforced that Black Americans were doing white Americans a favor by only wanting to be left alone to thrive instead of wanting revenge. If my ancestors had felt even a tenth of the bullshit that I’d felt today I would’ve been in a perpetual rage.
They truly misunderstand the forgiving nature of African descendants.
As much as I tried to avoid the feeling he still crept into my mind at the worst time. Like right now. I had less than a week to get together with him and his partner and be brought up to speed with what was going on as well as be introduced to the rest of the people working the case. Being further integrated into anything having to do with the government pissed me off but I was stuck. As sad as it was I hoped thatOriwould keep me out of the larger landmines in this situation. I hadn’t had to navigate something like this in a while and he and his partner were the only people I could even begin to think to trust.
And that wasn’t really solidified yet either.
I sank beneath the water, trying to figure out how one night of pleasure was leading me down a path of everything in the world I loathed. Maybe the road to hell wasn’t paved with good intentions but was lined with little metal balls that made karma come back to you that much swifter. I had blood on my hands and it seemed like helping them catch someone else for their crimes would be my penance.
SACRIFICES
ORI
“You’re really not going to speak on her, are you?”
