Page 210 of Lau Ahi
“He was a very good man.”
“Not just that. Everything he touched was remarkable.”
“Let me help you.”
“No. You need to be off somewhere finding your own happily ever after. Not sitting here watching me weep because mine fell apart.” She leaned over and wrapped her arms around me and I let her comfort me as best should could. I patted her arm hoping she would find some comfort in the action and that it would lessen her worry.
“We share everything, Asha.” Her words were muffled into my hair as she tried to squeeze life back into me.
“But we cannot share this. I wouldn’t want to even if I could because I wouldn’t wish this on someone I hated yet alone someone I love. This, this desolation, is solely mine.”
That day in my house had been the impetus for me getting help to work through my grief. I was forever grateful that Sasha had paused her life to look after me. I could never repay her even though I knew she would never ask. After sitting through the meeting with Ori’s family as they made a bid to take over hisseat, I had to refocus on what life would look like now. Revenge was my motivation and the list was long. Longer than simply Theo and James, I had my own personal list that I knew would make Ori proud.
My sister always wanted me to speak to our mother so I was going to do just that but on my terms. I’d spoken with Matty and Faith to assist me in making this meeting happen. I wasn’t all that eager to have it happen but it was necessary. One call to Vanya helped put me into contact with Xerxes to ask him for his help. Imagine my surprise when a file was sent to me within an hour from Alec of all people. I’d browsed through it getting angrier but then a feeling of love washed over me. Ori was protecting me even though he wasn’t here. His brothers were going to ensure that I would be alright and despite my broken heart it gave me a measure of comfort.
Which is why we were now sitting at a booth in theSunbird, which had been closed for the night so I could hold this meeting in private.
Her cup clattered to her saucer and I flinched as the sound reminded me that she was even here. It took a lot for me to be willingly in her presence but I was here, allowing her to gloat over what she perceived as my lowest moments. She’d complimented me on how gaunt I looked, saying it was a vast improvement over the near-obese way I’d looked on my wedding day. She’d insulted me and brought up the wedding as a way to hurt me but it was impossible. Her barbs were nothing compared to the pain I lived through everyday. I was even more unbothered by her bullshit than usual.
“Are you finally going to get to the reason you brought me here? I hope you know I only did it because your father promised I could get a new Himalayan.” She looked up at me smugly from the plate of vegetables she’d requested to have made. I was happy that Matty didn’t blink an eye at her weird request butwith the way she spoke to her I did wonder if she was going to poison my egg donor’s meal.
“What’s been your problem with me my whole life?” My tone was flat but I wasn’t intimidated as she glared at me in disgust. She didn’t want to be held accountable but had shown up for this meeting to be an emotional vampire and feed off my pain. Feeling any for herself even if it was anger wasn’t a part of the mental bargain she’d struck in her head.
“You cannot be serious with this right now.” She looked so aghast at my questioning her brows actually lifted. Jacqueline had come to this meeting dressed impeccably as always. She immediately complained that the environment wasn’t befitting the Chanel sheath dress she’d donned for the occasion but that wasn’t my problem.
I wrapped my fingers around the butter knife that I had been using to butter the scone I was holding and grit my teeth so that I didn’t stab her in her palm.
“I’m very serious.”
Her sigh screamed that my question was inopportune but something in the way I spoke conveyed I wasn’t going to stop until she gave me the answer. I’d never asked her before, never made it a big deal; I simply accepted it as my position in life. Apparently, my asking meant she could inflict some additional emotional damage and she wasn’t going to miss that chance.
“I was a size 32, Asha! A 32! I snapped back after having your brother without issue but then you had to mess everything up with Sasha by tagging along.”
I looked at her waiting for her to say something that made sense but none of it did.
“You mean to tell me that your hatred for me stems fromvanity? That all of your anger toward me is because of genetics that I had no control over? You sound bloody ridiculous!”
She huffed at my dismissal of her reasons for abhorring me my entire life.
“Your existence defied the desires I had for my life at every turn. Even after you were here and I attempted to tolerate you that wasn’t good enough for you. You took so much from Sasha in the womb that she needed me more than you did. So the nannies, of course, took more time with you. Even when she was better and everyone would fawn all over you I tried my best. But each time I gave you advice you ignored it. I told you to stay skinny and you’d get fat. I said marry up and you shunned the choice I made for you. The only instructions of mine you ever followed were to go that night and even then you messed that up.”
Her discontent brought a smile to my face and I wondered how someone so evil was allowed to give birth but so many women were deprived of being able to.
“How? By surviving? Shame, isn’t it? If only I had done the proper thing by dying then you wouldn’t have all these problems now.”
“Either that or having someone who would take you off my hands.”
“My husband has more than provided for me in that respect and it’s not as though I was ever your responsibility.” A dig at the fact that she held no power and no status without my father’s permission. The provisions for my mother in case of his demise were not nearly as generous as those he’d set up for his children.
“But your marriage wasn’t advantageous whatsoever. If you had married Kit then we’d have moved up in British society without issue. But of course you had the audacity to deny him and then, of course the poor boy ended up dead.” My mother’s genuine display of sadness meant it was my turn to inflict emotional damage on her.
“Kit? Funny thing about Kit.”
Something in my tone caused her to look up far more cautiously and with less of her usual bravado. “What’s funny about that young man, a member of the peerage no less, being murdered?”
I giggled delighting at the disquiet I could see growing the longer we sat here discussing this. “Oh, Kit I killed.”
My mother’s eyes widened as she looked around the empty restaurant as though police were going to hop out and save her from the monster she’d birthed. “What?”
