Page 190 of Lau Ahi
“It makes me proud, actually.” He was looking off, the faraway but reflective look on his face. But it wasn’t negative; it seemed almost peaceful.
“Proud? Proud that they think you’ve committed patricide? Why is proud the emotion shining through?” I wasn’t trying to analyze him but I’d be damned if I was the only one of us constantly having to rethink so much of how I turned out theway I did. The more we talked, the less my legs seemed to hurt. It might have been that his words were distracting me or I was getting used to it. The air wasn’t frigid but I could definitely tell it was October.
“Because I never could. Because try as I might, as much as I might desire to I never did.”
Ori’s voice was far away. Still heavy but seemed not burdened. “That bothers you doesn’t it?”
“It does.” Instead of walking ahead of me, Ori threaded his fingers through mine and we walked almost side-by-side through the rest of the wooded terrain.
“But why?”
“He didn’t deserve us. My father. He didn’t deserve any of the things that were handed to him. I didn’t blame Pappy for loving his son, he should have. I blamed my father for how he used that love in order to keep him complicit in the bullshit he did.”
Our boots were scrunching on the leaves that had already fallen while their counterparts clung to the trees in hues of gold, red and brown.
“You’re excusing one and condemning the other. That seems completely unlike you. Against your moral paradigm, frankly.”
He cracked a half-smile to acknowledge his hypocrisy. “In some ways, yeah. But Pappy did his best.”
“With you or your father?”
He was thoughtful again before his face relaxed. “With both of us. But sometimes people let things go to their head and there’s nothing you can do to make them do better.”
“And him?”
“He had it too easy. A charmed life. A spoiled boy who didn’t have to overcome any of the things his father did. Pappy’s father was a GI. His mother was Samoan and Hawaiian.”
“That’s a lot of Polynesian wrapped into one.”
“It is. They didn’t face discrimination really but they faced beingothereda lot. Pappy’s blood being what it was, well—”
“How are you and Grant related? Your closeness isn’t what I’d expected, given that you don’t speak on your family.” His face softened at the mention of his cousin and our pace slowed down again. The boots he’d gotten for me seemed to be broken in despite being brand new.
“Our grandparents are siblings. Pappy and his grandmother are siblings. His grandmother married a man whose family felt the need to conform and to change their name to Turner from what it should’ve been. They tried to assimilate but Grant’s father married a Black woman.”
“Your bloodline really has an affinity for Blackness. It should be studied.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to seek out something that is as close to the original iteration of God as possible? That can only be found in Black women. Loving Black and being Black are in my blood. I have to admit that I feel like I hit the motherlode with my choice in partners.” His eyes were doing that heat thing yet again and I almost had to suck in air because I’d forgotten to breathe.
“More flattery, Mr. Nakoa.”
“More truth, Mrs. Nakoa.”
“She’s hiding something.”
“You get that feeling too, don’t you?” It was wild how we’d been able to know what the other was thinking. It was from working together for months and living together for just as long. His mother had been perfect at the wedding. Fitting right back in with everyone and the situation although she was hesitant. It meant that she hadn’t been as far away from everything as everyone believed.
He sighed heavily and I was happy I wasn’t delivering news to him that he hadn’t already thought. “Yeah. And until I knowwhat it is and how it could affect the family there’s not a lot I can do with repairing the relationship between us.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure out what it is. That seems to be your specialty. Unearthing the secrets of those around you.”
He scratched the side of his cheek at the stubble that had grown there overnight. “Maybe. Not knowing is kind of driving me crazy.”
“What will you do?”
“Right now it’s a war between keeping her close or pushing her away.”
I had to laugh at the blatant way he’d insulted my intelligence with that statement. “That’s a lie.”
