Page 19 of Lau Ahi
That wasn’t something I was in danger of.
So, I fell back and allowed the memories to be more than enough. And for the last few weeks they’d tried to seep into every part of my dreams. And my waking hours too.
Taking over for Pappy was my focus and closing out everything I had to do with the Bureau to ensure that transition could happen sooner rather than later. The elders still hadn’t decided who was going to move in to replace me when it came time for me to leave but I hoped I would have some input on who it was when the time came. Knowing the elders, they wouldn’t give us that knowledge until the last minute, if at all.
“Agent Nakoa?”
My eyes flew open annoyed at the interruption. I’d spent a few minutes in silent revelry thinking about the bombshell behind the mask. How she felt like a fist squeezing my dick as she battled her way down my length so she could ride me. The way her taste was seared into every bud on my tongue making even the most nostalgic foods seem offensive because nothing compared to her. She was a distraction, one I only allowed myself for a few brief minutes a day and now this woman was interrupting my reprieve.
Is this what attachment felt like? Couldn’t be.
I had hoped by ignoring her presence and keeping my eyes shut that she would go away. It was clear that my ploy hadn’tworked since she was standing in front of me looking as though she’d rather be anywhere but here. She’d stood watching me for over three minutes because despite my eyes being closed I was more than aware of my surroundings, and I’d felt her as soon as she’d entered the room. I’d subconsciously kept track of how many times she’d paced back and forth silently in front of my office door before she’d been able to formulate her game plan on approaching me and gathered the courage to bring her ass in here.
Thirty-one.
Thirty-one times she’d paced in order to interrupt my well-earned fantasy.
Fuck.
It was all I could think as I ran a palm down my face wiping away the memories of a woman I’d never see again but whose scent permeated the room like she’d recently been in it.
I hadn't had more than two consecutive hours of sleep in the last two days and had hoped this interruption was necessary. Between doing work for the family and the work for the government, I was worn the fuck out. Besides meeting with my brothers to help with various issues. I’d hoped to clear up my last few cases and be able to walk away before it was time for Xerxes’ wedding but that wasn’t looking good. Unfortunately, this admin was only on her third day. Which meant she didn’t know how I worked or how to handle my moods. The same issue I’d had with the last one, which is why she’d been pacing.
“What is it?”
I sat up lazily and folded my arms across my chest. I removed my legs from their place on my desk disturbing the paperwork beneath them. A custom chair had to be brought in to fit my body but it still hadn’t done shit to make sitting down for long periods of time any more comfortable. My body craved being in the field and being mobile, another reason why this deskshit was old to me. Hopping in a jet to skirt off and handle a problem with my brothers or checking out the ports our ships used was the type of work I was looking forward to because what I currently did was draining the bit of sanity I still had.
My hair was smoothed off my face, the stubble that I’d allowed to grow out since the last time I’d seen her caused me to scratch slightly at my cheek. I wasn’t sure if it was my question or my actions but she jumped when I spoke. Probably still surprised by the depth of my voice. Nervously, the intern handed me a stack of papers as she fidgeted waiting for me to review them.
Her eyes danced around the room looking at the accolades I’d shoved dejectedly onto shelves and I could almost smell her impatience as she waited on me to speak and provide her some direction. Everyone wanted me to decorate this place as though their validation was supposed to mean something to me and it never did. My medals were in a drawer, promotions and plaques stacked on the shelves here because I didn’t want them in my home. Being a lackey for the system wasn’t a reason to gloat. My only satisfaction was when I got to put shitty people in the ground or in jail. And I could do that with my brothers with much less red tape and paperwork.
I’d run a background check on my new assistant just to see the type of person she was. She’d grown up in Virginia to parents who’d worked for the government in some capacity her entire life. She’d written in her intern application about wanting to be a part of something that made a difference. Typical shit that meant she’d be willing to do whatever as long as her emotional needs were being met and made her feel like a savior. People like her were the type that the FBI loved because they were malleable. The higher-ups could feed them a lie and their reasoning and morality would shut off because the part of their brain that made them feel as though they were justifiedwould take over. Typical white savior mentality that had been ingrained in them for generations.
I’m sure she thought she’d be here working for someone that looked like her or her father and meeting me had her thrown off. I was sure she didn’t even know what the hell I was, she just knew I was an other and that interrupted her idea of who the good guys were.
She seemed as if she were petrified of feeling my wrath so she rarely spoke to me. No matter what I’d done to be out of her way since she’d been hired, she gave me the same look that most women always did: fearful curiosity.
It was the type of attention that men would think they wanted but if they had to live it for a day, would drive them insane. That was if they had any moral compass and weren’t relying only on patriarchy’s version of a man to make them confident about themselves.
So yeah, maybe I was the only one who was tired of this shit.
There was only one person in the world that I knew could understand how I felt. My brother Yacouba was even taller than I was and our builds were similar. He’d laugh when I told him how uncomfortable I was around the people I’d been forced to work with. He said it was the natural feeling of a caged lion being watched by gazelles: you knew you were at the top of the food chain and had your chosen prey dangled in front of you daily without being able to partake. Couba reminded me that our people had always been made to feel inferior and that went doubly for me. My Black ancestors had been caged in human zoos, enslaved and had their identities erased. My Hawaiian and Samoan ancestors had made the mistake of thinking that kindness and the declaration of sovereignty by our monarchs would keep the sharks of capitalism at bay. That working with the white man meant you had their respect. Now, many islanders couldn’t even afford to live on their native land becausetourism and the influx of vacationers and millionaires from the mainland owned such a large portion of every island. And that was after we’d been overthrown and plantations had been erected on stolen land.
I sighed heavily as my thoughts weighed me down the sound causing her to jump.
The fleeting thought of not being an asshole went out of the window just as quickly as it’d come in. There was no hope and the last thing I wanted to do was lower myself for others. Been there and tried that. It made me feel like my attempts to look less threatening were seen as a reason to attempt to dominate me.
Big mistake.
There had been many a fight during my military career where little white boys who thought they could flex the power their complexion normally provided them over me. When they found out quickly how they were wrong, they were surprised again that I was more valuable. Was it in the disgusting way a good master would see his best worker? Yes. But even within that paradigm, they were put in their place. It didn’t matter that I had more pull than any of them around me with the realities of how the world worked. I smirked thinking of the many ways people were still trying to figure out how their private indiscretions had gotten back to their families or superiors.
The stale scent of her perfume reminded me that the intern was in my space watching me and I needed her out of it. Xerxes’ purist ass had turned me into a snob with scents. The diluted or artificial smells of what was now readily available made my nose itch and this girl was no exception. I didn’t care who her parents were; she needed to get the fuck out of my space. She smelled like a mixture of dry shampoo, overpriced, low-quality perfume and body oils meaning she hadn’t showered. The mix was burning the hairs in my nose and it was clear I needed to get her out of here.
“Where is Agent Cochran?”
The full gruffness was back in my voice and she seemed to pale even further. Why they thought I was a good testing ground for assistants was beyond me. Even if she only handled mundane paperwork, she didn’t have the type of strength you needed to work here. She looked like she was going to cry as soon as she left my office and tell HR I was being mean to her. Thankfully, my office was always recorded and monitored on aDomAmHartserver that was untraceable and undetectable by the equipment we had here that checked for bugs. She folded her hands in front of her ample hips visibly uncomfortable under my gaze.
"Sh-sh-she’s currently in the war room,” She stuttered out her eyes wide like she was afraid of what I was going to do next.
