Page 154 of Lau Ahi
“That’s two entirely different issues.”
“No, it’s not. In theConsortium,the precursor to fatherhood is always marriage. A wedding and a union. You can’t have one without the other.”
She crossed her arms ready to challenge my declaration. “And if in your wild exploits you would’ve gotten pregnant, what are the consequences? Death and disposal?”
I propped my head up ready for the backlash of what I was about to say. “She would’ve needed to be vetted or yeah, disposed of.”
“You would’ve killed someone because of your own wayward penis?” She looked down at my lap with annoyance but she couldn’t disguise the desire in her eyes.
Wayward indeed.
“No. That was a joke.”
Asha rolled her eyes at my words and even I could tell it would never be funny to her. “Bloody poor taste.”
“Maybe. But that’s also why my dick is highly selective andPlan B’s are something that are always used as precaution afterward. I’m not a fool.”
She didn’t know that I had few people who could say they’d graced my bed. I had issues with relationships and was often too busy to be bothered with trying to seek one out. In the military, it was a quick romp here with someone that also had too much to lose to get pregnant.
“I’ve never taken one.”
My eyes traveled from the top of her head to toes of her perfectly manicured feet. Strong legs, kissable ankles and skin I knew was silky soft were displayed beneath the hem of the cream-colored linen of her dress. “Really? Imagine that.”
“Maybe you already knew that I might be barren.” Her gaze was suspicious testing my honesty and she couldn’t discern it by simply looking at me.
I huffed a laugh because she must’ve forgotten how this all got started. “I didn’t even know your name until I walked in your office. Besides, thinking you might not be able to simply because you’ve been celibate for a decade and having a clinical diagnosis are two separate things. I thought you said you were a doctor.”
“You’re insulting my degrees now. Fair enough. I had severe abdominal damage from a situation I was in.”
“You were raped.” I spoke as calmly as I could, the dots to her trauma had always been there but I’d never wanted to put that hell on anyone. Especially not her.
“I was brutally beaten to within an inch of my life and tortured.” Her spine was rigid, the words crisp and efficient detached of emotion. And she never refuted my claim.
Someone has to die.
“So the damage was psychological.”
“The damage was both.” Her teeth were clenched, her body tight but I could see her withdraw within herself. Further away from me.
“Do you want to—”
She laughed and it was heavy with sadness. “Talk about it? You haven’t earned that yet, Ori Nakoa. You’ve gone back and forth emotionally and I would need someone who was steadfast if you want a peek into my soul. You’re consistent with some things but refuse to let me see you. Until then, the facade is all that you get.”
Asha plastered a smile on her face a perfect mask of normalcy that I was more than sure hid cavernous depths of pain I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to reach. There was nothing I could do to make it better and Asha never gave me the chance. With acourteous dip of her head, she turned on the balls of her feet and walked out of the library.
“Something isn't right.”
Those were the first words that Asha had spoken to me in what felt like weeks but had only been a few days. That was still bad enough.
She’d gone back to that place of distant politeness taking more of her work at the university and communicating more with Alec than me. I had to force her to come in today because we had one last push to get information on the Clancy boy in order to get an arrest.
“What do you see that’s wrong?”
Asha had long since pulled her glasses off her face and she was now rubbing her eyes. Alec looked at me like I needed to help her and I just frowned back at him, hoping he would leave it alone. He could sense the shift and wanted me to do something more about it but I had nothing to give her. She wanted more of me and I was unsure if I could give it. Consistency with my emotions was a foreign concept and that was what she needed to feel secure.
She’d come from the university and had looked upset when she arrived but hadn’t bothered to give any insight to her emotional state.
“I feel like we’re right and wrong on the reasons she was killed.”
