Page 102 of Lau Ahi
Matty nodded at both of us before taking the menus that were on the table. “Sure thing, Faith. I’ll have it ready shortly.”
She walked away and Faith turned her big hazel eyes toward me. “So—”
“Are you trying to make me feel some type of way by showing that you know I like what to eat?”
She froze like a wounded bird and I felt bad for how I was speaking to her. Being here was emotional for both of us and now I wondered if we were going to make our situation worse by agreeing to meet.
“No. In the smallest of ways, I’m glad that I can remember things about you so easily since it’s been so long. But I’m not trying to play on your emotions by ordering a meal for you. I can tell you’re uncomfortable and I’m the reason for that. I’m hoping that we can be less awkward around each other as we try to work through all that is going on.” Her voice was lowered having lost some of the levity that it previously had.
I tried to harden my feelings and conduct this like the interview it was supposed to be. “Is it that easy for you?”
She shook her head keeping her eyes down on the table. “No. I understand that there are so many levels to what could happen.”
“Levels?”
She looked up then; her face void of emotion. “The easiest is I end up dead.”
“That’s the easiest? I would think that would be the worst.”
She actually smiled then but it was one of devastation. “No. Death is quick. Suffering is far more terrible. Forcing someone to live with that suffering is a fate worse than death.”
“So, what is the top level? Or the bottom, depending on how you see it?” I’d come all this way and I wanted to know the answers to the questions I’d been forced to carry for twenty years.
“Rejection. You deciding that you don’t want to work through any of this and we continue on as we have for so long.” Her tone was gentle but her voice was unwavering. I could tell it cost her a lot to be honest and I appreciated it.
“Then that’s simply the status quo. How would it be any different or more painful?”
“One day you’ll understand.”
“I doubt it. I won’t have to make the same type of decision that you did especially when I don’t know why it was made.”
She smiled softly and nodded her understanding. “Fair enough. But if you ever want those answers I’ll be happy to reveal them to you.”
“Tell me now.”
“That’s not so easy to do, Ori.”
Matty interrupted and set the baskets of bread along with the drinks that I hadn’t remembered to order. My drink was a glass bottle of water and Faith’s was sweet tea.
“I remembered that you serve this in your office during meetings and I assumed this would be okay. Is there anythingelse that you would like to drink? I’m happy to get it for you.” When Matty smiled I could see the resemblance between her and Faith. Same diamond-shaped face and skin tone and dimples in their cheeks.
“No, this is fine for right now, thank you.” I cracked open the bottle taking a deep sip appreciating that she’d remembered a detail like this. Her keeping the lid on was her way of showing me nothing had been tampered with.
Matty walked away after assuring us our food would be out soon and Faith sat back against the black velvet seats of our booth. We sat in uncomfortable silence. Her silent and me eating the bread because I was hungry as fuck and it was good.
“I know you don’t want to hear this but I need you to trust me on this.”
I stopped mid chew swallowing the bite of bread whole unbothered by the way the crust of the bread scratched my throat.
“Trust?”
My tone was hard irritated by the way she easily requested something she hadn’t earned.
She lifted her head again undaunted by how I sounded. “I promise that I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for your good. No matter what you think you’re my son and I only want the best for you. In time you’ll see that.”
I scoffed and drank a few gulps of water before I spoke again.
“Time will tell. But I have to say that if I find out you’re not being honest not even being my mother will save your life.”
