Page 30 of Her Brother's Keeper
Neddy did not answer.
“It has now been four days,” she added conversationally. “If he had been serious about the idea of giving you riding lessons, I think he would have come by now. I am glad, very glad, that you did not understand him. He ought not to have said anything he did not mean.”
“Tuck-a-tuck-a,” Neddy said, directing one of her knitting needles into his line of soldiers. “Gee!”
“Gee, indeed,” she replied. “Frankly, it is all for the best. Can you believe that I was almost tempted to confess to himsome of my feelings? I interpreted his kindness to you as having a deeper meaning towards me. I ought to have known better. As well that I learnt the truth before I made an utter cake of myself.”
Elizabeth told Neddy all about her troubled, confused emotions. After all, who else was she to tell?
“Jane said yesterday that she and Miss Bingley are now the best of friends. It is hardly surprising—Miss Bingley could not ask for a kinder, more sympathetic sister-in-law. If she has the brains of a sea urchin, she will urge her brother to marry Jane immediately. I had hoped, of course, that when Jane married, her husband might provide assistance for you. That perhaps, even, you and I might live with them. I can see now that this outcome is unlikely. We are probably better off hoping that she marries someone who can influence Mr Philips to behave appropriately or rid us of him altogether. I am not sure that Mr Bingley possesses such force of character.” She laughed bitterly. “Unfortunately, Jane seems to think that if he learns of your difficulties, he would never marry her. Of course hewilllearn of you; she cannot hide it. Perhaps, if Mr Darcy has spoken of you, he already knows.”
Neddy ran to her sewing bag to procure more objects to arrange in his line.
“Her fears are stupid. There is nothing the matter with the Bennet blood. But if—if she does marry him, I think it means we will not see much of her any longer. She does not understand you, Neddy. Not if she will only see your differences. We must suppose that Jane will take any untoward behaviours as a reflection of her own weaknesses or flaws, and be mortified by them. She does love you; I am certain of it. She simply does not yet appreciate how truly special you are. Perhapswhen she is more experienced with motherhood, with children of her own, she could value you more fully.”
Her brother went to his bookshelf and picked out a few of his favourites to further expand his line of objects.
“Nevertheless, we must hope for what is best for her, and clearly Jane is already in love. Do you think that Mr Darcy would disapprove of the marriage? I cannot believe that of him, Neddy. Unless he disparages her fortune. Jane brings much respectability to Mr Bingley, however, and that is not to be scorned. Do not listen to her opinions. You are but three years old! We will teach you! You will learn and grow and become all that a man ought to be!”
Neddy stood, gleefully overlooking his long, long procession of random articles, tensing with joy at his creation. “Dee!” he shouted jubilantly.
“Hurrah!” Elizabeth cheered, clapping for him.What oh what will become of him?she thought with an anguish that kept rising, no matter how often she tried to quell it. Old Mr Goulding was yet alive, but no one knew whether or not he might fully recover. He had done little when he was healthy—how could she expect him to protect Neddy now that he was not?
Neddy smiled his widest, dimpled smile and clapped along with her, afterwards crawling up onto her lap and snuggling in.
“Well done, Neddy. It is the best array of soldiers and knitting needles and books ever created. We shall show Mrs Finch when she returns from her walk into Meryton.” The older lady was always kind to Neddy, even if she was not helpful in his care.
“You are not disappointed by Mr Darcy’s disappearance, are you sweetheart?” she murmured, rocking him back and forth. “And do sea urchins evenhavebrains? Or are they thecleverest creatures God ever made? I do not know. Do you?” An overwhelming urge to weep threatened, and she fought against surrendering to it.
Life was changing. If Jane’s romance progressed, she would spend the Season in town; if Mr Bingley did not extend the Netherfield lease, she would likely be gone within a six-month, if not sooner.
“If Mr Darcy told me that he would not marry me because of you, my sweet boy, I would say, ‘good riddance’,” she assured her brother. “Instead, he will not marry me because I am not wealthy. Oh, and because he is not in love with me, fool that he is.”
Elizabeth had usually been able to count on Jane to watch Neddy if she had a parish meeting or other activity. Soon there would be only Mrs Hill, who already worked long hours. Asking her for help was a last resort.
“I, too, should marry,” Elizabeth told Neddy, kissing the top of his curls. “It does not matter who, as for myself. But how do I tell who would be best for you?” It was clear that she had not tried hard enough to show Mr Morris that she had an interest in him at that assembly—because in truth, she had none. But for Neddy’s sake, she must find him appealingandmake herself appeal to him, somehow.
A knock on her door alerted her to a visitor—probably a servant bearing food from Mrs Hill. Neddy did not want to be put down, so still hefting the child, she opened the door—only to see the tall, imposing figure of Mr Darcy upon her step.
“Mr Darcy!” she murmured, surprised.
“Gee!” Neddy cried, grinning happily, his entire body radiating excitement and joy. To her further surprise, he leant away from her towards Mr Darcy, and it seemed like the most natural move in the world that he held out his arms and tookhim. Neddy reached for the brim of his hat, but Mr Darcy tilted his head away.
“I was riding in the area and thought to see how Edward fares,” he said stiffly.
“Dig-gah, dig-gah!” Neddy shouted, and Mr Darcy’s smile bloomed while Elizabeth’s heart sped up; her visitor was ridiculously handsome when he smiled.
“What trouble have you been causing, sir?” he asked Neddy.
“Well, he touched nettles day before yesterday and discovered yet another reason to listen to his sister,” she replied, smiling.
“Hurt,” Neddy said, holding his little hand out to her. “Hurt.”
“Hurt?” Mr Darcy asked. “Did you get into the nettles too?”
“No,” she said softly. “He has often been talking about what happened the last time you were here. I do not know how much he understands about right and wrong, but the incident made some kind of impression upon him.”
Mr Darcy’s smile faded. “I thought to take him for a ride, but he must be made to understand that his actions afterwards will determine whether he ever gets to take another one.”
