Page 27 of Ruin The Friendship
I look up and thank Dr. Evenson as she exits the small room. Only then do I look at Fletcher. He’s staring off into the distance, looking totally lost. His eyes have lost all their light, his face a blank mask of confusion.
I clear my throat, swallowing thickly. He’s not saying anything. Why isn’t he saying anything? I take a deep breath as I prepare for his disappointment. It seems like I’m always the disappointment in my parents’ lives, so why wouldn’t I be one for him, too? It was only a matter of timeuntil the person who matters most to me realizes how much of a mess I am.
“Say something.”
Fletcher grunts, shifting in his seat. “You’re pregnant? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I found out the day of your home opener, and I didn’t want to stress you out.” My voice is small.
“You can tell me anything. I knew something was up. Iknewit.” He runs a hand down his face as he breathes heavily. His eyes widen. “The bag you threw in your room. It wasn’t vibrators, was it? It was a pregnancy test?”
“Yeah.” I swipe a tear from my eye. My emotions are all over the place. One minute, I’m frustrated with him. The next, I’m crying. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’ve been processing, trying to talk to?—”
“Is the father—” Fletcher starts to speak, but he’s interrupted by a nurse striding in.
I shake my head, and his face falters for only a moment before he maintains a passive look.
She greets us with a smile. “Ready? I can take you down the hall to radiology, and if everything looks good, you’ll be out of here before you know it.”
“Great.” I climb out of the bed and into the wheelchair she brought.
“Dad, are you coming?” The nurse directs her question to Fletcher, who blanches, leaning back in his chair and looking at me, a silent question in his eyes.
Neither of us corrects her. He’s not the dad, but heismy person.
I can’t make him come back with me. If I’m going to be a single mom, I need to get used to doing things on my own.
Before I can say anything, Fletcher stands, coming to my side as we leave the small room. His silent support sendsa wave of gratitude through me, and I close my eyes as we make our way through the quiet halls. I know everything is going to change in the next few minutes. It’s all about to become real, not just a line on a plastic stick.
An uneasy feeling eats at me. I thought I wanted this. I thought I was ready for a baby, for this major life change, but as it comes to a head, maybe I’m not. I can barely take care of myself. How can I care for a baby?
“Alright, Lydia, you can undress from the waist down and get on the bed. There’s a blanket to cover you.” The nurse gestures to the thin white blanket. “The tech will come in just a moment.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Thank you.”
She exits, leaving Fletcher and me alone.
“I’ll—uh—” he stutters. “I’ll step out while you change.”
Things have never been awkward between us, and I hate that this is changing things. A change in our friendship is the last thing I need right now. He’s been my constant for years now, and I don’t think I can do this without him or his support.
“Okay,” I murmur.
He leaves, quickly shutting the door behind him.
I strip down and fold my leggings, putting them and my underwear on a chair next to the wall, being sure to shove my underwear into my leggings so they’re out of sight. Getting out of my clothes one-handed is a bit of a struggle, but I do it. I climb onto the bed, avoiding using my injured hand.
Just as I’m covering up with the blanket, there’s a soft knock on the door. “Lydia, are you ready?”
“Yep.” My voice cracks as I rest my head on the thin pillow.
Fletcher follows the tech back inside, the dazed lookstill on his face. He sits in one of the plastic chairs against the wall, resting his head in his hands again. The physical distance between us feels like a chasm with jagged rocks waiting at the bottom, and I fear that soon, it will morph into him pulling away from me completely.
The tech introduces herself, explaining how she’ll perform the ultrasound and what to expect, but I’m only half listening. I know I gave her consent to do the ultrasound, but outside of that, there’s not much I’m comprehending. My heart pounds furiously in my chest, panic thrumming through my veins as she lifts the blanket and slides the ultrasound wand inside me.
Discomfort rages through me, and I squeeze my eyes shut. She moves it around a bit until she finds a spot.
“There it is,” she says. “Want to see?”
