Page 22 of Ruin The Friendship
It’s for the better. I can do this. I can be an amazing single mom all on my own. My mom practically raised me alone, and I turned out okay-ish. But I’ll be much better to my baby than my parents ever were to me.
I walk out of the restaurant and into the cool late fall air, more determined than ever. I’m making the right choice.
9
UNANSWERED QUESTIONS
LYDIA
NINE WEEKS PREGNANT
The boys are heading home today, and I won’t be able to keep this a secret from Fletcher for much longer. With Jude officially out of the picture, I have a clearer idea of what my future will be, and I know I’m ready for the challenge of being a single mom.
Based on the pregnancy tracking app I downloaded, I’m about nine weeks along—not that I needed an app to tell me how long it’s been since I slept with Jude. I still have a bit before I’ll start to show, but based on Fletcher’s texts, he already suspects something is up. Dottie and I briefly talked about things over dinner, and she’s texted me more than once to check in. It’s been nice having her as someone I can lean on.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about my parents' reaction, though.
They’ve always expected greatness from me, and according to them, working as an office administrator and event coordinator for a community ice rink and non-profitfor youth sports is not it. My dad wanted me to become a CPA or something like that, something he could boast to his friends. My mother expected me to marry rich, like she did, but that was never for me. I like working. I like the routine it gives me, even though having a baby will throw that out of whack.
I don’t want the life they lived. I barely have a relationship with my father. He was always traveling when I was a kid, and he’s so closed off that it’s impossible to get to know him. My parents barely interact with me, and when they do, it’s about how disappointed they are in me.
But they’d love for Fletcher and me to be together. He’s rich, has status, and is attractive. To them, he’s the whole package, but he’s just my best friend.
Could I see myself falling in love with him? Sure, that’d be easy. I already love him. But we’ve never had that type of relationship, and I’m not going to be the one to cross that boundary, even if some small part of me is curious about what it might be like.
Fletcher and I have run the learn-to-skate event for a few years now, and the first of the season is tonight. While I’m there every week, Fletcher comes anytime he doesn’t have a game or practice. His presence has helped with attendance and encouraged more kids to get on the ice. Perhaps I should be ashamed of exploiting my best friend's status as a professional hockey player, but I don’t care. It works, the kids love it, and so does Fletcher. He’s always asking when the next event is.
Seeing him with the kids is always fun. If he ever gets married and starts a family, he’ll be an amazing parent; not only that, but he’ll be an amazing partner.
I also coach figure skating on weeknights, which has brought me a lot of joy. I used to compete in high school, butafter I graduated, I decided I would much rather do it for fun. Skating has always been an escape for me, so to be able to still have it is amazing. I love seeing the joy on the kids’ faces when they nail a new skill or land a jump they thought was impossible. It’s fulfilling work.
Fletcher will probably be home soon, so I should start getting ready. I head into my room and pull on my favorite fleece-lined leggings, long-sleeve shirt, and thick socks. I’ll grab my hat, gloves, and light blue puffer vest from the front hall closet on our way out.
I head into the bathroom to fix my hair. It’s too short to pull into a pony, but a half bun or braid will be enough to keep it out of my face while skating. For a second, I let myself wonder… What will my baby look like? Will it have my curls and blue eyes? Or will it look like Jude? He also has dark hair, but he has brown eyes. Will it be a boy or a girl?
There are so many unanswered questions.
I glance up and down my body, wondering what will happen to that, too. I run my hands down my soft stomach, turning to the side to admire it from a new angle. My stomach isn’t perfectly flat. Never has been, never will be. I like my body the way it is, the rolls and curves and softness. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to imagine it, but I love my thick thighs and apron belly. It took a lot of time and experience to get to this point, but I’m not ashamed of my fat body anymore.
I never had the typical slim, athletic build most figure skaters have, and my mother certainly didn’t let me forget it. Still, that didn’t hold me back from the sport I love. There were sidelong glances and whispers in the changing rooms, but my determination led me to the top of the podium time and time again.
I’m excited to see what changes my body will make to accommodate the baby. Change isn’t always a bad thing, especially in this case.
I finish my hair and head into the living room to wait for Fletcher. He should be home any minute, but maybe I can get a few rows of work done on my newest crochet project. I tend to find new hobbies every so often and hyper-fixate on them. Crocheting is my current interest. I’ve made a few little stuffed animals and donated them to some shelters, and I’m trying to make some blankets for them as well.
Fletcher foils my plan before I get started when he walks through the door with his bags. He smiles warmly. “Hey, Lydi.”
“How was the flight?”
“Good. Miller snored the whole time, but otherwise, it was quick.” He kicks off his shoes and heads down the hall.
“Why does that not surprise me?”
“Nothing surprises me when it comes to Cal. I got to know Trigg a bit more on this trip, so that was fun.” Fletcher re-enters the living room without his bags and flops next to me on the couch. He rests his head on my shoulder. “Missed you.”
I ruffle his soft hair. “Missed you, too.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
