Page 18 of Pushing Styxx
“Told you the other day we were starting something. I always protect what’s mine. You were avoiding me, so I made the decision to nix that shit.”
“My avoiding you? I wasn’t avoiding anyone. I was busy.”
“Mo chathú, your sister even knows you’re avoiding me. If she can see it, you ain’t hiding it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I huff, hands going to my hips, eyes narrowed.
“It means you can’t hide the fact that you’re avoiding me. Means Promise isn’t stupid. She sees it just like I do. You’re scared when you don’t have to be.” Styxx moves in, wraps an arm around me, and grips me tight. “I’m not someone you ever have to fear, Hope. Never.
I open my mouth to tell him I’m not scared, only I don’t get the chance to say a word, not that I’d want to, considering I like the way he kisses me.
All thoughts fly out the window when his lips lock on mine.
Styxx lowers his hands down to my bottom, lifting me clear off my feet. I have no other choice but to wrap myself around him like a monkey or be left floundering around.
I don’t pay attention to where Styxx takes us as he carries me through the house and down the hall to his room. There’s nothing to think aboutexcept the feel of his lips on mine and the way my body responds to him. I’ve always prided myself on keeping control, but with Styxx, all my carefully constructed barriers crumble, falling away completely. It had taken everything in me to keep them from falling apart the last time he kissed me. It’s why I’ve avoided him the past two days.
I’m scared that he’ll break through, and then where will that leave me?
When we reach his bedroom, Styxx breaks his mouth away from mine and lowers me onto his bed. His body comes with him as he uses his elbows to balance himself over me. I meet his gaze only to shiver at the intensity I see.
“Now,” he says, his voice rough with desire, “we’re gonna talk about why you’ve been avoiding me.”
“I told you, I’m not avoiding you.”
“You are, Hope, and I want to know why. I want to know what’s got you scared of me.”
My heart rages in my chest, and the blood burns in my veins. Every part of me grows hot and needy for him.
“You think I’m scared of you?” I whisper and lick my suddenly dry lips, wanting nothing more than for him to kiss me once again.
Styxx’s eyes search mine as he balances himself on one arm, reaches up with his other, and uses his thumb to gently trace my bottom lip. “I think you’re scared of going after what you really want. You don’t want to allow yourself to have what you want most.”
I swallow hard. He’s right, of course. How is it he can read me so easily when I’ve spent years perfecting my walls? Years of keeping everyone at a safe distance except Promise. In my life, she’s the only one who has ever mattered to me. I wanted so much for her.
“I have responsibilities,” I finally say, the excuse sounding weak even to my own ears. “Promise needs stability. I can’t just?—”
“Promise is thriving,” Styxx interrupts, his voice taking on a harsh bite to it. “And you’re using her as an excuse.”
His words sting because they’re true. I turn my face away, but he gently guides it back with his fingertips on my chin. “Your sister is fifteen, Hope. She’s old enough to see what you’re doing. She loves you for it, but she also wants you happy.”
Tears sting and burn, wanting to spill over, but I suck in a ragged breath, keeping them at bay. “I am happy.”
“She sees that. But she also knows you can be happier. Take something for yourself for a change. I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman as selfless as you are. You’re about giving to others and not taking for yourself. It’s time you do that.”
“And what is it I should take for myself?”
Styx lowers his head, a grin playing on his lips. “You know exactly what you should do for yourself. And we’re gonna do that and more. We’ve got tonight without anyone in this house. We’re taking advantage of it. Tomorrow, we’re talking, and when we do, you’ll listen to everything I’ve got to say.”
I shiver at his words. Between my legs throbs with need, and I swear if he doesn’t touch me, I just might combust.
“You’re making a lot of assumptions,” I whisper, but my body betrays me as I arch slightly into him, needing the heat radiating off of him.
“Am I?” His eyes darken, and the weight of him becomes more as he presses me deeper into the mattress. His movements send volts of electricity through every nerve ending. “I don’t think I am. You want what this is,mo chathú,just as much as I do.”
His mouth finds mine again, and this time the kiss is deeper, hungrier. My hands slide up his arms, feeling the hard muscle beneath his shirt. I shouldn’t want this, shouldn’t want him, yet I do. God help me, I crave what he could do to me. More than I need my next breath. When it comes to this man, he’s quickly becoming something I can’t live without, and that’s what truly scares me more than anything else in this world. The fact that Styxx could break me in a way no one else ever had the chance of doing. Not even the death of my parents could do what he could potentially do to me.
When we break apart, I’m breathless and panting. “Styxx, I don’t . . .”
