Page 57 of Say We've Found Forever
‘Emma can have that one, and you can stay here with me,’is what he wants to say, but isn’t brave enough to consider voicing.
There’s more space in here than in the others. They gave him the master. A crib or a bassinet would fit over there by the window, he thinks, imagining a reality where something like that is possible.
He needs to be grateful for what he got today. If all they ever are is a fake family within these walls, he’ll happily take it, even if Addison sleeps next door forever.
* * *
“Music is important. The book says at least an hour a day streamed directly to the belly, but since we ain’t got headphones yet we gotta make do,” Wyatt says, rifling through a pile of CDs they found.
The windfall of a portable power bank in the attic means they can charge it with solar. They have enough electricity to plug in a toaster or coffee maker…or a CD player.
“Any particular type.” Addison squints at the fine print on a faded label. “Jazz?”
“Hell no. Classical. That’s what the books said.”
“Classical.”
“You don’t like it?”
She shrugs with what looks like a hidden smile of amusement. “I do, I do, you just don’t seem the type. Lemme guess…country? Is that your kinda thing?”
“This ain’t about me,” he grunts.
“I like country!” Emma pipes up, waving a CD in the air, as if she’s ever heard a lick of country music in her life. “This one says it’s an audio reading, and there are three X’s on the label. What does that mean?”
Addison’s eyebrows creep up into her hairline as she plucks the disk from her daughter’s hands. “It means it’s boring. Not music, find something happy, okay?”
“Wait, what is that?” Wyatt whispers after Emma disappears again into a pile of boxes.
Addison leans in, her voice whisper-light. “I’m assuming it’s audio porn.”
“Oh.”
He must be beet red already because she laughs, her whisper turning dramatic and theatrical. “Yeah, oh…oh…oh—”
“Okay, I got it. Jesus. Stop that. Are you gonna look for some classical music or what? What were all the ladies doing in that cult of yours that you know about this stuff?”
“Well, my cousin Evie left once for a whole six months. It wasn’t common or approved by the elders, but she just up and ran one day. Spent all that time in the city, and when she came back…the stories she told us. Probably more sinful than what’s on this CD.”
“She came back? Why?”
Addison’s voice evens out. “It’s difficult out there, is what she said. There were other sets of rules she wasn’t prepared for. Practical requirements like paying bills and finding shelter, and a job, and I suppose in the end she became overwhelmed withstarting a new life outside the group and retreated back into what’s familiar.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“It did give me ideas, though,” she continues. “It was hard not to question things as you get older.”
He nods.
“This was right around when I began to do that, too, and for a moment, I wondered if I might succeed where she couldn’t. I almost left, too.”
“But you stayed.”
“I was married off shortly after. Pregnant with Emma, and everything that felt possible suddenly wasn’t. So yeah, I stayed.”
Her voice is monotone, and he regrets this line of questioning.
“Anyway, I was forced out eventually because here I am. With you.” Her smile then is quick, and he almost looks away with a blush when her gaze connects with his. “I don’t think these people were classical types. I say we pop something in and go with it.”
