Page 45 of Fever Dream
In this case, it’s me who hasn’t been open with her. But it hasn’t kept me away. In fact, avoiding having a social life has led me to visiting her more than ever. And knowing her, she isn’t oblivious to the changes in me—she just doesn’t demand an explanation. She’s never pushed me to say more than I want to.
“Okay, so it’s not perfect,” she presses. “But are you having fun?”
“Yes,” I say immediately. Surprisingly, this question is easy to answer. “I am totally having fun. Learning a lot. Meeting people. Making connections. No matter what, this is going to look great on the résumé once the show wraps.”
My mother leans forward, her expression mischievous. “Has there been any good drama so far?”
She knows that I’m working on a dating show, and she knows that it’s basically being filmed in her backyard. But aside from that, I’ve kept the details vague and limited to “on a farm to the north” and “I can’t tell you that because NDA.”
It’s kept her at bay, but knowing Loretta Silva, the not knowing has to be killing her.
I let loose a breathy chuckle as I think back on the week.Good drama. I highly doubt that Dick Wad would describe most of what’s happened on camera as good drama. In fact, I heard him complaining to Teri that even with the cameras rolling twenty-four seven, they haven’t caught much. A little gossip between the girls, but nothing groundbreaking.
Maybe if he’d had a camera in Emmett’s kitchen, the prickle extraction experience would have excited him. But I thank the stars above that’s not the case, because Richard finding out about that is the last thing either of us needs.
He’s a loose cannon with very specific ideas about what he wants to unfold. There’s no doubt in my mind that getting that up close and personal with the bachelor when it wasn’t strictly necessary would be enough for him to fire me.
“Bits and pieces,” I say, evasively. “The first elimination ceremony is tonight. And he has to send two women home. So, I’m assuming there will be some exciting revelations in their exit interviews. Or maybe some shots fired, we’ll see. And then tomorrow is a day off. Although there will still be crews on-site and twenty-four-hour camera footage. There are endless opportunities for them to pick something up.”
Mom leans forward, as if she’s trying to draw even closer so she can whisper her next question. “And are you going to tell me who the bachelor is?”
My cheeks pinch as I stare back at my mom. I honestly think if it were anyone else, I might skirt the NDA and figure out a way to tell her.
But I promised Emmett I wouldn’t. And over the past week, he hasn’t done a single thing to make me believe he doesn’t deserve at least a sliver of my loyalty. I want to respect his wishes.
I’m not at all obsessed with him like the girls on the show appear to be when filming their B-roll interviews. But I would be lying to myself if I couldn’t admit that beneath the obnoxiously flirtatious and overly confident exterior that Emmett Brandt is infamous for, there’s a streak of sensitivity—hell, even a virtuousness—that I never expected.
Much like this job, I recognize Emmett is also not perfect. Not all good and not all bad. But certainly a lot kinder than I thought he would be.
Which must be why I take a sip of my tea, look my mom in the eye, and wave her off with a casual flick of my hand before lying to her. “I can’t tell you. But you wouldn’t know him anyway.”
“Bah.” She flops back against the cushions in defeat. “I told Theo you’d never tell me.”
My head tilts. “Theo?”
My mom laughs. “You know how he is. He wants to know everything. That man is like a town crier at the local hairdresser, spreading gossip, digging around for secrets, putting his nose where it doesn’t belong.”
I can’t help but laugh, imagining my brother under a hood dryer at Emerald Lake’s oldest salon, chatting with little white-haired ladies who’ve traded gossip in this valley for the past seventy-plus years.
Knowing him, he’d have a grand ol’ time and win every one of them over within an hour. He is charm personified.
“I can envision that a little too clearly.”
She chuckles her agreement. “Same. Speaking of… he, Winter, and the kids are coming to spend some time here in a couple of weeks. We can do a bunch of activities all together if your schedule works for it. Gonna make all my grandma dreams come true.”
“Oh fun! Definitely keep me posted!”
It comes out just a little too brightly, and I catch a weird look from my mom. But I can never tell if she’s not-so-subtly hinting at me when she waxes poetic about being a grandmother.
There’s this part of me that feels like… I don’t know. Like I’m coming up short compared to Theo. He’s vivacious. He’s living life to the fullest. He’s got kids. A wife.
He’s got all the things I feel like I’msupposedto have—things I probably do want. But I keep moving the goalposts on myself for when I’m allowed to make room for them.
When I finish my degree. Once I complete my master’s. As soon as I get this job down on my résumé. Not until I have a secure career.
It almost makes me wonder if I’m avoiding those aspects of life on purpose.
“Well, consider this your first heads-up—he’s far too excited about getting the details on this dating show. You might want tocarry a copy of that NDA in your purse to protect yourself against his grand inquisition.”
