Page 55 of Starving Butterfly
Pain shot across my leg as someone jerked my body up. I held tight to her when they tried to pull her away from me. My eyes caught the woman who had run forward, her eyes blue like an ocean, her hair just as golden. Trouble’s mother. I recognized the look in her eyes: the heartbreak. She stared at me as I held the girl. I rocked and shook as if that would fix it. There was no fixing it. Why couldn’t I fix it?
A hand came across my face, slapping me hard. A voice telling me we needed to move. I couldn’t move. They hauled me upright.
The woman across from me was being hauled away, her eyes glued to mine. Heart racing, I swallowed back the cry as my feet stumbled forward. The men guiding me through the snow held tight as they walked me away, but my heart didn’t stop breaking.
We’d made it. She was ok. I glanced backward, seeing the carnage. The bloodied circle I wept in, and I couldn’t believe it. There was too much blood. I tripped and my head dropped forward as they pulled me back up.
I looked back again, hoping beyond hope. I saw her there, hand in hand with Oliver. Fingers intertwined as he whispered into her ear. She giggled and turned away as he chased after her.
I hadn’t realized they’d set me in a van until the door closed a moment later and my world plunged into darkness.
43
ONE DAY AT A TIME…
December 29th
Ifound him sitting on the roof, his legs dangling off the edge as he just looked into the snowy street below.
“Mind if I join?” I asked.
“Sure,” he nodded, and I walked over to his right side, sitting down. Throwing my blanket around us.
“Fuck it’s cold out here,” I muttered, bringing my hands to my mouth and blowing into them.
“Yeah,” he replied.
“How long have you been out here?”
“I’m not sure an hour?”He shrugged, his feet swinging as he watched the sunrise far off the horizon. I didn’t know how to comfort him, and I certainly couldn’t imagine the horrors he had to face, so I sat next to him. Pulling his hand into my lap as we watched the sunrise.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I swallowed, my lips chapped as I shivered.
“What happens now?” He asked, and I saw the tear slide down his cheek.
I looked at the first rays of light as they cut through the darkness, “We go forward one day at a time.”
“What if I can’t survive the day?” He whispered.
“Then start slower, we will take it one hour at a time.” I replied, pulling him closer to me.
“Do you think she’ll hate me?” He choked out.
I didn’t have to ask who; he whispered her name in his sleep as if she’d come to save him from his nightmares. He had leaned on my shoulder, and I sighed, trying to find the words to assure him that what happened wasn’t his fault. If anything, it was my fault. My fault for not killing my brother in that church. My fault for not finding him sooner.
“Summer won’t hate you,” I swallowed. “She’ll understand.”
“And if she doesn’t?” He asked, raising his head to look into my eyes. Those large brown eyes, so full of hope, hurting from the outside in.
“Then she’s a fool.” I replied, kissing him on the forehead.
He didn’t say anything further, too wrapped up in his thoughts, and I didn’t blame him. Things had become complicated. It wasn’t as simple as before.
“I tried to kill myself,” he whispered.
“Why?”
“I don’t think I can face her.”
