Page 36 of Puck the Coach's Son
I do not look at Maddox.
Maddox does not look at me.
It is the loudest not-looking I have ever been part of.
In the tunnel, after Paul blows the final whistle, I walk with Phoenix.
Not on purpose. He is ahead of me. The tunnel is narrow. He slows down enough that he is beside me. I understand that he slowed down on purpose. I also understand that I am not supposed to say anything about the slowing down.
“Laurent.”
“Captain.”
He adjusts his bag on his shoulder.
“You good?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Say it like a guy who is and not like a guy practicing.”
My mouth moves before the rest of me catches up. It picks the answer.
“I'm good.”
Phoenix looks at me sideways as we walk. He is a tall man. He has a scar along his jaw the shape of a seam.
“Anything you want to tell me?”
“No, sir.”
“Anything I should tell Coach?”
I almost stop walking. I do not stop walking. Whatever in me wants to stop walking is not in charge of my body right now.
“No, sir.”
“Okay.”
He puts a hand on my shoulder briefly at the top of the tunnel. He does not do it where Paul would catch it from the bench, even if he were on the bench, which he’s is not, because he’s in his office already. It is a captain's hand. It is Phoenix telling me,I am here, and I am not going to make you say athing about it.It is the first piece of kindness I have had on this team since I arrived.
I do not cry in the tunnel.
I do not cry in the locker room.
I do not cry.
My stall is on the far wall.
Maddox's stall is on the opposite wall.
I sit down. I take my helmet off and hook it on the peg. I put my gloves in the stall on the shelf where gloves go. I start the slow peeling of pads that is the post-practice ritual. I do not look across the room.
I can feel him looking.
I do not look back.
Around me, men are doing the things men do in locker rooms. Magnus peels off his jersey and says nothing to anyone for once. Jax is humming something. Grayson is on the phone. The trainer is moving between stalls with his cart. A second-liner I have not memorized the name of is telling a story about his mother and the story makes half the room laugh, which is the sound that means the tension of the six AM is breaking.
