Page 82 of To Wed a Wild Scot
Three days later
It had been three long, empty days since Juliana’s argument with Logan in the entryway. Three days of misery on her part, and three days of mysterious disappearances on his.
He never said where he was going, and when he returned he never explained his absences. Juliana knew only that he rode off every afternoon without a word to her, and each time he went, he stayed away longer than he had the time before.
He’d gone again the previous night, and hadn’t returned to Graystone Court until the early morning hours. He’d taken care to be quiet when he entered his bedchamber, but Juliana had been wide awake, praying for him to come home.
Waiting for him, her heart a heavy stone in her chest.
She hadn’t closed her eyes once the entire night, not even once she knew he was back. She’d lain awake, hoping against hope the door connecting their bedchambers would open, and he’d come to her. But the door had remained closed, just as it had every night since they’d arrived at Graystone Court.
Juliana rubbed her gritty eyes and threw her bedcovers back, but she couldn’t summon the energy to drag herself out of bed. She’d have to, soon enough. The day was advancing, and she’d promised Grace she’d ride with her and Logan this morning.
What business could he have that would take him away from Graystone Court day after day, and for hours at a time? He’d been in England for less than two weeks. Juliana couldn’t think of a single reason he’d be obliged to stay out all night.
Well, no. That wasn’t true. She could think of two reasons, and both of them made her numb with despair.
Either he had a mistress, or he was arranging his return to Scotland. Since that dreadful argument three days earlier, Juliana had been in anguished expectation of the moment he’d bid her goodbye, mount his horse, and leave Graystone Court without a backward glance. It was, after all, what they’d agreed would happen. He’d fulfilled his end of their bargain. She had no right to ask him to stay, and God knew he had reason enough to wish to escape her.
As for a mistress…
Juliana threw an arm over her head and stared up at the green silk hangings above her. It was absurd to imagine Logan could have secured a mistress in the short time he’d been in England, but that didn’t stop her from imagining it. Nor did it stop her heart from twisting miserably in her chest when she did. It was odd how the heart came to completely overrule the head, once you fell in love.
Well, she’d fallen. She was hopelessly in love with Logan Blair.
She couldn’t imagine her life without him now, and yet as surely as she loved him, she’d also hurt him, so badly she was terrified she was going to lose him. Every time he looked at her or spoke to her she was certain he’d tell her he was leaving, and her heart would shrivel in her chest.
Not that he spoke to her often. He looked at her even less. Since she’d told that lie to her father, it was as if Logan could hardly bear to be in the same room with her. Whenever her gaze did happen to meet his, words tried to rush from her mouth. Pleas for his forgiveness, promises of love, an explanation for why she’d lied…
But she didn’tknowwhy. The words would hover there, trembling on her lips, but she couldn’t speak them. She didn’t have any answers for Logan, or for herself. She tried over and over again to untangle her thoughts, but somehow her love for Logan and her pain over hurting him were tangled up with her anger at her father, and her grief over his death. Nothing made sense anymore. Everywhere she turned she found only sorrow, confusion, and regret.
“Aunt Juliana!” A sharp knock on her door pulled Juliana from her thoughts. A moment later Grace dashed into the room. “Why are you still in bed? Have you forgotten we’re meant to ride with Mr. Logan this morning?”
Grace had been looking forward to this ride all week, and she was outraged at the idea Juliana could have forgotten such a momentous occasion. Despite her dark mood, a smile rose to Juliana’s lips, and she held out her arms for Grace. “Yes, I know. Come, I’m fatigued this morning. You’ll have to help me up.”
Grace made a running leap and landed in the middle of the bed with a grin. “There! Are you awake now?” She tried to snatch Juliana’s hands and pull her from the bed, but Juliana caught her niece in her arms and gathered her tightly against her chest.
Out of this whole tangled mess with her father and Logan, this was the one thing that had gone right—the only thing in Juliana’s life that made sense.
Grace.
Her niece was hers now. No one—not her father, and not Lord Cowden—could take Grace away from her. No matter what happened with Logan, Juliana would always be grateful to him for giving her such a precious gift.
She buried her face in the springy dark hair under her chin, but Grace wasn’t in the mood to be cuddled. She squirmed free from Juliana’s arms. “No, there isn’t time! Mr. Logan told me he has to go out this afternoon and won’t be home until after dark. If we don’t ride now, we won’t get to go with him at all.Please, Auntie Juliana!”
Logan was off again today, then, and likely wouldn’t return until close to dawn, just as he had last night. Juliana’s heart sank, but she forced a smile for Grace’s sake. “Yes, all right. Fetch my dark green riding habit, won’t you? I’ll be ready in a moment.”
Grace pranced about like an overeager puppy while Juliana gathered her hair up into some pins and donned her riding habit. “Mr. Logan,” was a decided favorite with Grace, and he was becoming more so every day. She was going to be devastated when Logan went away. Juliana’s heart sank another notch thinking about it, but Grace didn’t give her time to wallow. She grabbed Juliana’s hand and tugged her toward the stairs.
Logan was in the entryway waiting for them, and Juliana’s breath caught at the sight of him. He was wearing a dark blue coat that made his eyes appear bluer than ever, and his tight buckskin breeches accentuated the long, muscular line of his legs. A lock of his dark hair hung over his forehead, and a hat and riding crop were dangling from his elegant fingers.
She’d been so ashamed of her lie she’d hardly dared look at Logan these past weeks, but as he stood there below them, his face turned up to watch them descend, Juliana felt a hint of that same determination that had helped her coax him into marrying her. Her chin inched up a notch, and for the first time in days, she forced herself to hold his gaze.
He didn’t look away, but he didn’t smile, either. His face was cool and set as she came down the last stair. “Good morning, my lady. Are you ready for our ride?”
Juliana flinched. His tone was perfectly polite, his bow proper, but his eyes were hard. Her throat went dry, and her murmured “yes” was so soft she wasn’t sure Logan even heard her.
If he had, he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead he turned to Grace, and the polite smile melted into a playful grin. “Hello, Miss Grace. You look very smart in your riding outfit this morning. I’m guessing you know your way around a horse.”
