Page 64 of To Wed a Wild Scot
Juliana met Emilia’s concerned gaze. “It’s just…what if we’re too late, Emilia? What if my father…what if I’m dragging Logan away from Alis…from everyone he loves, and it’s all for naught?”
Emilia gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “You needn’t worry aboutthat. Logan’s not the sort of man who’d allow himself to be dragged into anything. If he’s marrying you, it’s because he’s made up his mind it’s the best thing to do. You can be sure of that much.”
But Juliana wasn’t sure of that, or of anything else. Everything had become so tangled in her mind she couldn’t make sense of it anymore. “He feels responsible, Emilia, because of the letters.”
“Well, isn’t he responsible? He never should have taken those letters.” But Emilia bit her lip, and Juliana could see she was struggling between her loyalty to Logan and her innate sense of fair play.
Juliana sighed. “No, but we both know he didn’t do it for selfish reasons. He was trying to protect the clan. How can I hold him responsible, when I’m sure I would have done the same thing in his place? Yes, it was wrong—I don’t deny it. But isn’t it just as wrong to force him into a marriage he doesn’t want when he was only doing what he felt he must?”
Emilia rose from the bed and crossed the room. She plucked absently at the folds of her wedding gown, thinking, then turned back to Juliana. “What if he wasn’t being punished at all, but rewarded? Would that reassure you, and reconcile you to the marriage?”
Juliana blinked. “Rewarded? How?”
“I told Fitzwilliam I wouldn’t mention this to you. Logan wants to speak to you about it himself, but I think it might bring you peace of mind. You’re going to find out soon enough anyway, so I don’t see that it makes much difference.”
Juliana’s heart started to pound. “What is it, Emilia? Please, you must tell me.”
Emilia drew a deep breath. “Fitz is going to give you the land. Indeed, he already has.”
“The land?” Juliana repeated stupidly. What land?
“The Kinross land,” Emilia said patiently. “Kinross Castle, as well. It all belongs to you now.”
All the air left Juliana’s lungs at once, leaving her fighting to catch her breath. “To me? But I don’t…that doesn’t…why, Emilia? Why would Fitzwilliam do such a thing? I don’t want it!”
“Hush now, and listen to me. Fitzwilliam was never going to keep that land. His uncle, the previous duke, always intended for Logan to have it. Fitzwilliam came to Scotland to give it to him, but then you arrived, and there was all that confusion with the letters, and everything became dreadfully tangled, and—”
“And Fitzwilliam knew if he gave the land to me, Logan would marry me,” Juliana finished quietly. That sweet moment under the Laburnum Arch when Logan had asked her to be his wife hadn’t truly been a proposal, then. It had been the culmination of a business arrangement.
Wasn’t that what she’d asked him for? A marriage of convenience? Well, now it would be convenient for both of them. They’d each get the thing that was most precious to them. She’d get Grace, and Logan would get the Kinross land.
What right had she to begrudge him that?
If she’d managed to persuade herself there was something more between them, then she’d been a fool. His nervousness that day, the hope she thought she’d seen in his eyes, the tenderness of that kiss between them…she’d imagined it all.
Juliana closed her eyes against the pain flooding through her. It was so intense she wrapped her arms around herself, afraid it might tear her apart. “I—I see. Well, I suppose that does give Logan a reason to marry me, doesn’t it? Fitzwilliam’s very clever.”
Emilia came back to the bed and took Juliana’s hands. “I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. Logan just found out about it this afternoon. He didn’t agree to the marriage to get the land, Juliana. He’d already promised to marry you before he knew anything about it. It’s the truth, but if you don’t believe me, then ask Fitzwilliam. He’ll tell you the same.”
“Of course, I believe you, Emilia,” Juliana said dully, more to put an end to the discussion than anything else. Perhaps it was true. There was a part of her that believed if Logan had agreed to the marriage to get the Kinross land, he would have told her so at once. Oddly, though, that didn’t diminish her pain. Instead it spread from her stomach to her chest until it felt as if her heart were being clawed to bits.
“I think I’d like to rest now.” Juliana drew her hands free of Emilia’s grip. “I’m to be married this evening, after all. I don’t want to drop into a doze before I can say my vows, do I?”
Emilia studied her for a moment, then rose from the bed with a sigh. “You’ll wear my gown? Please, Juliana. I want you to have it.”
Juliana caught Emilia’s hand and pressed it gratefully. “You’re a lovely friend. Yes, of course I’ll wear it, if you truly wish me to.”
“I do wish it. Nothing would please me more.” Emilia squeezed her hand, then crossed the room to the door. “I’m off to see the chapel is made ready, and to gather some heather for your hair. I’ll come back in a few hours to help you dress, shall I?”
Juliana lay back on the bed and let her head fall against the pillows. “Yes. Thank you.”
Once Emilia was gone she closed her eyes, but it was some time before her troubled thoughts calmed enough for drowsiness to overtake her. Memory after memory rolled through her mind, almost as if she were flipping through images in a picture book. Grace’s dark eyes, her father’s face, and Logan’s slowly curving lips…
She was poised on the edge of sleep before the truth came over her, and her eyes fluttered open.
It hurt to think Logan might only be marrying her to get the Kinross land, but there was more to it than that. Deep down, she’d hoped he’d decide to stay in England with her. Now he was to become laird, that dream was shattered. As he soon as he fulfilled his promise to her, he’d return to Scotland at once.
Since she’d come to Castle Kinross, she’d told herself time and again all she needed was Grace. That if she could only have Grace, she’d be happy.
