Page 73 of Apathy
And I would have Dylan, even if I didn’t have anyone else.
“Let’s go inside,” I whispered, opening my eyes. “Let’s go home.”
A smile played on the edges of his lips, braving me to open my door, to go out. He exited first and went around the car from the front, all the way to the passenger side, and opened my door, holding his hand out for me. It was these small things, small deeds that made me feel better.
I placed my hand in his, letting him lead me out of the car. I was still feeling dizzy from the three days of doing nothing but lying in the bed and the medication they gave me, but as the brisk air caressed my cheeks, and the wind started playing with my hair, I knew I was going to be okay.
I looked around our front yard, while Dylan took my bags out of the trunk, and I smiled for the first time in three days.
I was stronger than this. I was stronger than I gave myself credit for.
The air smelled like rain—cold and damp, yet somehow freeing and almost nostalgic. I could see the white clouds gathered on the darkened sky, and I hoped we would get rain tonight. Everything always seemed fresher, newer, better after the rain.
As if it somehow managed to wash away everything bad that has happened in the past. Or maybe it was my wishful thinking, but whatever it was, I wanted it tonight.
I wanted to be freed of this darkness in my bones. I wanted to feel like a new person.
“Ready?” Dylan came from behind, placing a hand on my upper back.
Was I ready? Not really.
I looked toward the front door, and I feared that once we entered inside, this wall I somehow built up would come down, shattering, and my broken mind would attack me. But I lied to him.
“Of course, I am.” I lied when I talked. I lied as I smiled, trying to reassure him that everything was fine. I lied to myself as we started walking toward the front door, up the three stairs and two steps over the porch.
I lied to myself as I kept that smile on my face, even though my heart started thundering in my chest. I lied when Dylan looked at me again, unlocking the front door, that line of worry back on his face.
But when he stepped in, when he left me outside to gather my thoughts, I realized something.
I still wasn’t afraid.
Even when I took the first tentative step inside, seeing the marks on the floor where he let my blood fall, I wasn’t afraid.
I was angry, so fucking angry.
But I didn’t know if I was angry at that man, or at myself for not being able to outrun him.
“Little One.” Dylan was suddenly in front of me, blocking the view of where that chairhehad tied me to used to be. “Hey.” He took my hand, and only then did I realize how hard I was pressing my nails into my palm. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”
But it wasn’t going to be okay.
Nothing would ever be okay unless I found out who the golden mask was, and what the fuck that letter I found in my locker meant. Nothing would ever be okay if I turned a blind eye to this, just like I did to a million other things.
I always thought it was better to pretend that you didn’t see anything, but I was wrong. I had to do something, seeing that nobody else was going to do anything.
“Skylar.” His voice trembled, but I couldn’t move my eyes from the spot behind his back.
Somebody dared to violate me in such a way. To enter my house, to enter my life, and make all these demands, and they had no right.
“I think I’m gonna go to bed.” My voice sounded robotic even to me, and I knew that he wouldn’t let me go that easily. “I’m fine, Dylan.” I looked at him. “Trust me, if I start breaking apart, you’ll be the first one to know.”
Probably the only one to know. I could see he didn’t believe me, yet instead of questioning me, and having a full-blown discussion about what happened here, he let me go. He took a step back and nodded before disappearing into the kitchen.
Maybe I should’ve stayed. Maybe I should’ve talked to him about these things, but how could I talk to him when even I couldn’t understand what was going on in my head? Normally, I would’ve been terrified of being back here, but the only emotion I could feel right now was anger.
So much fucking anger, and I knew what I was going to do with it.
I was going to unravel all the secrets of Winworth.
